Adventures in Wally World: The Revised Edition
by griffin14
Summary: Harry and his posse in WalMart. Relive all those fun moments of last summer. Harry break dancing, Feeny showing up and killing Mr. Weasley, the writers of this fic getting really mad. All the good times. REVIEW. Losers.
1. Mr Weasely meets MUGGLES!

Author's Note: So, I was looking at the first two chapters and I decided I kind of hate them. Therefore I am redoing them. Here we are.

By the way, this chapter is still crap. I don't even like it and I wrote it. I suggest everyone skip on to chapter 3. It gets somewhat better there. Or just read chapter 20… fantastic.

Annie

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Cha…

Chapter 1: The Weasley's discover Wal-Mart. Woooo.

Suddenly, Fred appeared out of nowhere (Home Improvement shirt…) right into the Weasley kitchen. Man, they sure have an awesome kitchen, don't ya think?

"Hey, familia!" yelled Fred. He isn't Spanish. Why is he pretending he is Spanish?

"Yes, Freddy?" asked Ginny.

Fred stared at her 'Freddy?' he thought to himself. "Kay, I was sitting eating an ice cream cone…" he started.

"Ooh, what kind of ice cream?" interrupted Ron.

Fred stared at him. "Shut up. So, I was eating ice cream and I was kind of bored because they cancelled Judging Amy, so I decided to do something super fun. Except that fun thing turned out to, like, destroy all of Diagon Alley or something. Oh, snap. My bad."

George looked kinda stoned. "Sweeeet. I mean, shit. That totally sucks."

"Eh, not really. That place was overrated anyways," said Mr. Weasley. "And I speak the Truth with a capital T."

"Wait, I have an idea." said Ginny because well, she had an idea. "Why don't we go party at the land of Wal-Mart?"

Fred/George, Ron, and Weasley Senior were all like, "Um… okay?" and they hopped in their wheels to go to Wal-Mart.

"Damn it! My Third Eye Blind CD is scratched! This cost me ten bucks off Amazon," complained Mr. Weasley.

After a very long drive to ole' B-Ville, the crew finally arrived in the magical land know as Wal-Mart.

"Wow what is this place?" asked Ginny.

Wait, wasn't Ginny the one that suggested they go to Wal-Mart? Man, this story has so much continuity… sarcasm… verbal irony… I was usin it.

"I don't know, some muggle store," responded Ron.

Arthur went a little crazy at this point and ran off screaming, "Muggles!" He is such a freak.

"Did Dad find our stash of grass again?" Ginny wondered.

"Man, you are so cool with all calling it grass and stuff. Like we're in the 60s. I miss the 60s," said George.

"I love the 70s," added Fred.

Insert random muggle laughing.

"Did you just spit on me?" asked Joe.

"Joe, who the hell are you?" said Ron.

Fred shrugged. George shrugged. Ginny shrugged. Ron shrugged. It was like a shrugging party.

They all walked into Wal-Mart and were greeted by a very angry and grumpy looking old man.

"Welcome to Wal-Mart, children," said the greeter in a very bored voice. He must hate this fic too, along with many of the readers on this dandy website. I know, I really am annoying and can't write at all, correct? Gaaah, I hate Americans.

"Holy crap!" Ron was apparently very amazed "A Wal-Mart greeter! Awesome, let's take a picture."

This statement caused the greeter to actually start paying attention to what was going on. "NO PICTURES IN WAL-MART!" he screamed.

Ginny scoffed, "Whatever, old man." Well put, Ginny, well put.

Fred pulled out his cell phone and took that bastard's picture. All the Weasleys ran screaming into the girl's dressing room. The Wal-Mart greeter cried. Aw, now I feel bad for him. When they ran into the dressing room they saw Harry and Hermione making out like it was New Year's Eve and they were a couple of drunk drinkers. Harry starting to take of his shirt, Hermione unbuttons her blouse. Harry has some nice abs.

"Noooooooooo!" screamed Ron.

Harry looked up, "Hey, when did you guys get here?"

Harry and Hermione went back to neckin. Ron ran to Becker's practice to get some medical help. Gotta love Ted Danson.

"So, who is excited about the Gilmore Girls season premiere?" said Ginny.

------------------------------------

Annie/Note: Short. Crappy. But I still love it. REVIEW! I frickin hate it when people read stories and then don't review. If you hate it, tell me. If you love it, tell me. If you are just reading this because FFN killed Slinky and you are really bored, tell me. If you enjoy all of our subtle running bits, tell me. If you hope I fall down a staircase, tell me. Kay? Kay. Now… I need chapstick, my lip hurts. Hah… this is so the end author's note to like the tenth chapter. But I decided it fit well here. I'm totally back from Connie's. Gah, it was fun.

Did HBP remind any one else of a fanfic? It just really seemed like one…

REVIEW!

HELLO! I have now redone this chapter like… three times. Is it getting better? I hope so.


	2. Rubber Duckies

Author's/Note: The usual crap. Review, flame, whatever.

annie

Disclaimer: Doesn't the fact that this is fiction by fans mean that I do not own it?

Chapter 2: Mr. Weasley sure is kickass.

Why look, its Mr. Weasley talking to a manikin. "Hey babe, do you know where I can find the rubber duckies?

The manikin just stares but you can totally tell she is thinking 'Do you have some sort of weird fetish, or something?'

Apparently Arthur didn't hear the fetish thing; he hears something like directions "Oh, in the toy section. Thanks, call me."

Mr. Weasley starts running around like a loon yelling. Because, really, he doesn't do that enough in the books.

"Rubber duckies! Muggles!"

Meanwhile, back on the farm, Harry and Hermione are still making out.

Ginny was getting a little tired of this "Ok, stop now."

"NEVER!" Hermione yelled

"I am going to slap you now…" warned Fred. And he did slap her.

There was a silence filled only with the sounds of jolly shoppers. Then Harry started crying for no apparent reason.

Ron found this very annoying "Why the hell are you crying? You just made out with Hermione."

"I miss my parents!" Harry said in between sobs of hysteria

Fred slapped him. That did nothing. Ginny threw a bottle of red wine at his head. That shut him up.

They all start watching TV, The O.C. is on. Suddenly Mickey Mouse pops out of the television. (Gotta love the word suddenly).

"You! Because of you my parents are dead." Harry screamed.

"We all know Disney is taking over the world, you can't fool us!" Ron added.

Mickey looked a little disappointed, but only for a second. "Fine then I will call my cartoon friends and we shall kill you all.

And Mickey wasn't lying. Everyone and everything from all cartoons ever popped out of the screen.

Mickey let out his best evil laugh "Muhahaha".

"That was a horrible evil laugh." Hermione said

It is obvious these words hurt Mickey but he stifles his tears and signals his little friends to attack. In a counterattack, the Hogwarts group starts throwing candy and stuffed animals at the cartoons.

"Oh no, I think this might really be the end! Help us master!" Begged Mickey

And BAM Sam Wise Gamgee appeared.

Ginny was a little confused "What the hell?"

"Watch your language, little girl," Sam Wise scolded "for you know not what I carry."

Sam then pulled out the one ring to rule them all. And the author of this fic started talking in a very deep, slow voice."

"Gasp!" Everyone yelled at the exact same time.

"This is what happened in the original edition of Lord of the Rings," Sam continued "the edition J.R.R. Tolkien wasn't aloud to publish .In that version, I killed Frodo then I stole the ring. I then continued to kill everyone, except for Gollum because he is just hot. Anyway, I grew quite old and I wanted more than anything to take over the world. So I used my servant Walt Disney, who was quite a wonderful artist. Together we took over the world of entertainment and in secret the CIA, FBI, mafia, and the Kennedy family. I was behind every whisper of a conspiracy, both World Wars, the creation of Dawson's Creek, and multiple other disasters. Finally when we had enough recognition and money, I was no longer in need of my servant, so I killed him! Sam Wise finished, throwing up his hands in victory.

"Hm… makes sense." said Hermione

Ginny pointed her wand at Sam Wise "Avada Kedavra!"

"Thanks, that was annoying" said Harry.

Annie/Note: Review, pansy.


	3. Ahh, the wonders of ryhming

Author's note: Man, remember the good old days. Like back before hated us, before we hated them. Remember when script and IM conversation form weren't against the sacred rules. I so miss last summer. Anyway, very bored. When I'm very bored I usually email people or update my xanga or read television transcripts. But today I was like "Hm… I am gonna write a fanfic." But I didn't feel like thinking some new crap up, so here we are.

Disclaimer: Yo no poseo Harry Potter

Chapter 3: The wonders of rhyming

Suddenly, or maybe not so suddenly, I'm not sure, I wasn't there, Hermione screamed as a person tends to do when said person is excited, scared, intoxicated, et cetera, et cetera."Holy crap! Do you guys know what I just friggin realized?"

"That I am the one you love." Ron answered

Gred and Feorge had a different response "That damn Cigarette Smoking Man looks a whole freaking lot like the writer of this fic?"

"Um…no. But geah, I do hate that chain smoking son of a bitch. Anyway, Potter, are you ready for this, Potter… rhymes with otter!

Everyone was pretty amazed by this revelation "Woooooowo."

Hermione looked very proud "Cha, I know."

And then suddenly (that suddenly business always catches me by surprise, I mean every time. I never see it coming.) an otter came sliding down the hallway being chased by ole' Voldemort.

"Woah, you're like psychic." Ginny stated, amazed.

All of a sudden (Wow, not suddenly. But all of a sudden. These guys are trying to confuse me aren't they?) Raven (from the crap Disney show That's So Raven) appeared and started singing. "_That's so raven. It's the future I can see. That's so Raven. So mysterious to me!" _

Hermione was feeling very offended and a little Irish. "Oh so you want a singing contest, do ya?"

Ron went a little crazy "Sing "The Immigrant Song"! Sing "The Immigrant Song"! Led Zepplin Rocks!"

Hermione is all quoi? "Who is Led Zepplin?"

Ron died a little inside "This is like when I found out Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton weren't friends anymore."

"Anyway I'm going to sing one of my favorite songs." Hermione grabbed a plastic, pink microphone and started singing "_If you can't do the math. Then get out of the equation. I am calling you back. This is star sixty-nine."_

"Well it's obvious we aren't going to be able to settle this by singing. So how about a dance off?" Raven suggested

Raven started break dancing and all Hermione could was stare on in total wonder.

Harry yelled "Oh, Hermione, you suckers got served!" He stared at his shoes and whispered "I really don't think I can make out with you anymore, I'm so sorry. I hope we can still be friends."

And Harry started break dancing, he had taken some lessons from Dudley. Who knew, right?

Raven was shocked "You can sure dance for a white guy!"

Harry responded in blackcent "Yo know it shortie! What up in the in the hizzouse?" And he threw Ron the Krypt sign.

Ron yelled back, also in blackcent "YO, YOU ARE A KRYPT YOU FRIGGIN FAIRY! And he threw up the Blood sign. Man, these guys have been to the hood.

The Weasely Twinkies joined in, also in blackcent "What yall are trippin! Pink Mofia is the only way to go!"

Hermione was pretty sickened "Ok back to the real world..."

Harry, Ron, and Gred/Forge snap out of there little trip down Cool Lane. Man, they so wished they could come party in America and be able to listen to Hip Hop all the time. Too bad they're brits.

"I didn't know my brothers were involved in gangs, I wonder what mum would say." Ginny pondered, a little shocked.

Luna popped out of a pile of Care bears. (Wait, it wasn't suddenly? Gah, this story is going down the hill; it's like the last three seasons of Buffy.)

Luna was all acting smart "The Quibbler says gangs don't really exist. They were just created by the media to stir up trouble."

Ron mumbled under his breath "Just like Saddam Hussein, otherwise know as John Gillnitz."

Fred saw something in Luna's hair. 'What was that?' He asked himself 'Oh no, it's a…' "PINK FUZZY SPIDER! AHH! EVERYONE RUN!"

"Oh no, that's just my hair bow." Luna explained

"Right…" George sure hated this girl.

Then Ginny pushed Raven and Luna into the pile of Care bears and everyone went on their way.


	4. Montagin' it up!

Author's Note: I am in a mondo FanFic writing mood. You know what makes me sad? That no one likes our story "It's All a Dream". That is really too bad, because I loooove it. Very, very much.

Disclaimer: If we owned this, we would own this. We also do not own this song, too bad.

Chapter 5: Montagin' it up! (We know, just work with us.)

If you can not tell, this is meant to be a montage. All the caps mean that those are the pictures you are seeing while the music, which is typed regularly, is playing. Get it? Sweeeet. Everyone loves a good montage.

All the small things  
True care, truth brings  
I'll take one lift  
Your ride, best trip

FRED AND HERMIONE ARE MAKING OUT WHILE GEORGE IS SITTING ON THE FLOOR. THEN FRED AND GEORGE SWITCH.

Always, I know  
You'll be at my show  
Watching, waiting  
Commiserating

HARRY AND RON ARE BACK IN THE DRESSING ROOMS TRYING TO GET THEIR MINDS OFF OF HERMIONE BY TRYING ON WOMEN'S CLOTHING. SUPRISINGLY THEY BOTH LOOK STUNING IN CUTE LITTLE SUNDRESSES.

Say it ain't so, I will not go  
Turn the lights off, carry me home  
Na na na na na na na na na na  
Na na na na na na na na na na  
Na na na na na na na na na na  
Na na na na na na na na na na

DRACO AND GINNY ARE BACK IN THE COSMETICS SECTION. GINNY IS GIVING DRACO A MAKE OVER. HE LOOKS LIKE A HOOKER, BUT A VERY PERDY HOOKER.

Late night, come home  
Work sucks, I know  
She left me roses by the stairs  
Surprises let me know she cares

FRED AND GEORGE ARE APPARENTLY DONE WITH THEIR KILLER MAKE-OUT SESSION WITH HERMIONE. THEY ARE SHOWN OUTSIDE RIDING THE MINI-SPACESHIP.

Say it ain't so, I will not go  
Turn the lights off, carry me home  
Na na na na na na na na na na  
Na na na na na na na na na na  
Na na na na na na na na na na  
Na na na na na na na na na na

FRED AND GEORGE GET OFF THE SPACESHIPS AND WALK IN AND OUT OF THE STORE TO GET STICKERS FROM, AND ANNOY, THE WAL-MART GREETER. THE WAL-MART GREETER IS SHOWN PULLING OUT A GUN AND HOLDING IT UP TO HIS HEAD.

Say it ain't so, I will not go  
Turn the lights off, carry me home  
Keep your head still, I'll be your thrill  
The night will go on, my little windmill

HARRY AND RON ARE STILL IN THE DRESSING ROOM WEARING THE PRETTY SUNDRESSES. THEY ARE SPINNING AROUND LIKE LITTLE GIRLS, WHEN HARRY STOPS SPINNING AND MOUTHS SOMETHING THAT LOOKS STRANGLY LIKE "WHAT THE HELL? ARE WE IN A MONTAGE OR SOMETHING? ALL I CAN HEAR IS MUSIC AND NO ONE IS TALKING!" RON SHRUGS IT OFF AND STARTS TO DO THE MACARENA. HARRY JOINS HIM.

Say it ain't so, I will not go (na na na na na na na na na na)  
Turn the lights off, carry me home (na na na na na na na na na na)  
Keep your head still, I'll be your thrill (na na na na na na na na na na)  
The night will go on, the night will go on (na na na na na na na na na na)  
My little windmill

SWICTH TO THE WHOLE GROUP IN THE TOILET PAPER SECTION. THEY START THROWING TOILET PAPER! IT IS VERY FUN, LIKE A CHEESY 90s MUSIC VIDEO.

THE CREW ALL GO OUT FOR SOME 25CENT COKES. WHEN THEY GET OUTSIDE FRED AND GEORGE SPOT A HOOKER STANDING ON THE CORNER.

The song ends, which is too bad because everyone loves that song.

"Wait a second…" Ron strokes his chin, trying to place where he knew that hooker from. "Oh, my God, that's Malfoy!"

Everyone screams in disgust and runs away.

"Who would want to sleep with him?" asked Harry.

"Someone very desperate, like the people that usually sleep with hookers. Ron should know all about that," answered Hermione.

"Maybe Draco should call Hitch… or Michelle," suggested Ginny.

"That Hitch sure as some great lines," said Ron.

I know he does, I know.


	5. His Avril, I mean 'punk' side

Author's note: Review, mother, review. That David is such a fox. Hah, get it? Get it? No, you totally don't. Oh, well.

Disclaimer: I am not on drugs, nor do I own this story, g'day.

Chapter 6: Harry gets in touch with his Avril I mean "punk" side.

The whole group, with the exception of hooker Draco, is in the cosmetic section, once again. Harry pulled out some black nail polish and started painting his nails.

Harry was all "Look at me; I wear black nail polish, so I'm a punk! F U" (not the actual word just f, because he is such a badass he doesn't need to say fuck).

"Avril is such a poser, god I hate her! All punks are posers!" Ginny yelled as she ran off to the toys to cuddle with Elmo.

"BUT GINNY, I LOVE YOU!" Harry ran after her, crying.

Ron yelled after him "Harry, you bastard! She's mine! Oh, wait I thought that you were yelling at Hermione."

"WAT THE FU…" was all Harry could get out before Hermione interrupted him.

"Damn it! Don't cuss, Potter!"

Harry mumbled under his breath "Hypocrite."

"HARRY!" Ron ran up and slapped the boy who lived and the two got into a cat fight. It is very nasty and by the time they are finished beating the crap out of each other, they are both bald. Luckily all of Harry's hair grows back with wandless magic. Ron's, alas, did not.

Suddenly Fred fell down! (Aw, there are those suddenlys I love so much.)

Fred sobbed "Georgie Worgie, go get me a band-aid." And put on his best puppy dog face.

George got really pissed, I would stay out of that effer's path "NO WAY IN HELL!"

"Why not?" Asked Fred, very taken back.

"GO GET YOUR OWN FRIKIN BAND-AID!"

"NO, YOU GET IT!"

"YOU!"

"YOU!"

"YOU!"

They continued to fight until a Wal-Mart customer threw some glow-in-the-dark Scooby Doo band-aids at them. Fred covered his owie and started smiling insanely. Him and George then started covering Ron's head in band-aids. He looks much prettier this way.

"You look much prettier this way." Fred said, stating the obvious

"I agree completely." Said George.

Suddenly Ron started screaming "Ahhhh!" (How I love the word suddenly. "Then why don't you marry it?" a little kid said. "Because it is a word, idiot." I answered back. I swear, kids today. It is because there isn't anything good on the Disney Channel anymore).

George was all "Why are you screaming?"

Ron was all "It felt like the right thing to do."

Fred was all "Stop saying 'was all', you stupid fic writer." Sorry, almighty Fred. Almighty Fred continued "What is right is not always popular, what is popular is not always right. Remember that, children."

Ron was kinda confused "Err… right." An uncomfortable silence filled the entire town of Bentonville. Luckily we have Ron to fill it for us "British people suck! Go Americans! And you know what? American slang is soo much more kickass than how stupid brits talk."

"You're British Ron." Hermione shook her head

Ron wouldn't believe this "NO! I am not, and will never be, British!"

Hermione just closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. Ron continued to run around screaming horrible things about British people. You tell them, Ron, you tell them.

Everyone else moseyed over to the check out counter where they found Harry and Ginny buying a Harry Potter poster.

"What you got there, Harry?" Fred enquired

"I don't know some weird poster. It's about some British kids who have special powers and are trying to defeat some bad dude."

"Hey, those three kids look like us!" Ron said and pointed at Harry, Hermione, and himself.

Ginny had a duh-look on her face "No, Ron that doesn't look like you at all."

"That gangly, red head looks more like Billy Miles than you, Ron." Harry said agreeing with Ginny.

"What is with all these X-Files references lately?" George asked. Everyone ignored him. They shouldn't have done that, he knows The Truth.

Suddenly, Donald Trump walked by caring a gallon of milk. (Was that a suddenly? I believe it was…)

Hermione screamed "Ah! It's Donald Trump! OH MY GOD! Why is Donald Trump here, buying milk!"

"Billionaires need strong bones too." Fred answered

"And Wal-Mart has the lowest prices." George added.

Annie/Note: Dandy, eh? I think so, but what do you think?


	6. Hugs solve everything!

Author's Note: Author's Note: Man, I stayed up very late last night and then had to get up very early. Now, I feel like crap.

annie

Disclaimer: Nope...

Chapter 7: Hugs solve everything!

By this time most of the other customers had left, making it highly convenient for the characters to do whatever they wanted. So, what else to do but watch television? And what else to watch but Full House?

"Man this should be rated R for weirdness. It sucks!" Hermione announced

Fred/George was very offended by this comment "Are you on drugs! This is the best show ever!"

"Oh yes, so realistic. Have you noticed how everything bad can happen, yet still be resolved in 30 minutes?"

"That's the magic of Full House. We all know that in actuality our world sucks, so why watch entertainment that shows babies getting kidnapped and people getting shot. Instead we should all watch amusing stories with great life advice and hugs, which solve everything. Plus it shows Mary-Kate and Ashley when they were like 4, before they became anorexic drug addicts." Fred explained

After his speech, Fred sat down and everyone, besides Hermione, started clapping. Hermione started crying.

"I can't believe I just got out argued by Fred! This is so horrible!" Hermione said, in between sobs.

Fred gave Hermione a big hug "Don't worry Hermione I still care about you." She immediately felt better and stopped crying and started smiling uncontrollably.

"Thanks Fred I'm all better now!" Hermione said, still smiling like friggin crazy.

But then, from behind a rack of best selling CD's, or maybe behind the bin of $1 VHS tapes, or maybe even in the author's own mind, came a small voice.

"Row, rugs really ro rolve rverything."

Then the small voice, or rather the body the small voice belonged to, scampered off quietly, into the darkness.

Hm… well, apparently (A loud scream comes from somewhere "DEAD!") I am the only one that heard that little voice, so back to the cast.

"Anyone want to try a Flaming Hot Cheeto?" Ginny asked

Harry was confused "What's a Flaming Hot Cheeto?"

"That's kind of obvious isn't, Potter?" Answered Ron

Everyone gave Harry a look, a look that said "You are so stupid why are we friends with you, you pansie? And the stupid scar is so friggin annoying. Bloody hell, I've lost my mobile." Wow, those wizards can sure say a lot in one look. Everyone took a Flaming Hot Cheeto.

"AHH, these are flaming hot." Harry exclaimed.

Everyone else agreed and ran off to find a water fountain. On the way they knock a few people down and piss quite a view off. But finally victory is discovered as Harry spots a water fountain. But alas, he is trampled by the others after he points out the water fountain. And our hero dies.

"Oh, I'm sorry Harry here, have a hug!" Ginny cried as she hugged his cold, dead body.

But sadly, this is not Full House and Harry was dead, never to wave his wand again. No sexual innuendo intended.

Annie/Note: My head itches, I hope I like, don't have lice or anything. That would kinda blow.


	7. The mystery killer

Author's Note: I don't really have anything to say, yet I am still making an author's note.

annie

Disclaimer: Yes, yes I do not own this.

Chapter 8: The mystery killer.

The gang was arguing about which was better dots or question marks when the lights suddenly went out. (Suddenly, mother, suddenly)

"What the hell?" Ron asked

Harry noticed something "Hey, the lights are out."

Hermione, as always, was the only one thinking reasonably "Oh no, it must be closing time." (And the "oh no" was exactly like the Phoebe from Friends "oh no". How I wish I could do that "oh no")

"Then why are we still here?" Fred wondered

"Because, we are cool like that." Ginny explained

Ron was getting kind of anxious "Well let's leave, the dark is scary."

"No, you don't understand we won't be able to get out, they've locked the doors. We're stuck here until tomorrow." Hermione said

"Damn it!" Ron yelled.

"Ron, what are you talking about? Harry asked "This is a good thing, it will be like that episode of Boy Meets World where everyone is stuck in the school."

Ya know, Harry, people died in that episode. Do you like death? This is so sad, you need counseling.

Suddenly they hear a scream from somewhere off to the right. Ron shrieks like a girl and everyone starts running like hell. But since it is dark and they are in an unfamiliar place, they run into a large body on the floor.

George was the first to speak "Err… what is that large body doing on the floor?"

Good question George, good question.

"Oh no." said Ginny "That's Dad! HE"S DEAD!

"Dun Dun Dun" Fred added.

Harry looked at the dead body then said "Wow that's bad."

The sound of fast footsteps were coming towards the gang, so of course, they all start freaking out. Then they realize it's only Draco. The author of the story wipes the sweat off of her forehead, she was very worried.

"I just saw Raven and Luna getting killed by some masked murderer!" Draco yelled

Damn.

"Well that would explain why Mr. Weasley is lying dead on the floor." Hermione reasoned

That is when Draco noticed the floor lying on the body and he started freaking out.

Fred came to a realization "Guys, I think someone or something is locked in here with us and that they are a killer."

"Ahh shit, not again." George said

"Wait!" Ginny yelled "I know who the killer is!"

Ron was amazed "How!"

"I'm cool like that." Ginny shrugged "Anyway the killer is…"

And obviously a mysterious figure runs out, grabs her, and runs away.

Damn.

"Okay, raise your hand if you saw that one coming." Draco said and raised his hand.

Everyone raises their hand.

"Well there is only one thing to do," Fred said, taking charge "split up and look for clues."

The other Fred, from Scooby Doo was not happy about this "Hey, that's my line, you line stealer!"

No one hears him though so he has to keep yelling.

"You asshole, STOP STEALING MY LINES!" yelled Fred

"AHH I HATE YOU! DIE FOR EVER!" yelled Fred some more

"Don't you always die for ever?" shaggy asked

"SHUT UP! I'M ON A ROLE HERE!" Yelled Fred, because well lets all admit it, he looks sexy when he yells.

The Harry Potter gang is now splitting to search for clues. Which really isn't a very good idea considering there is a murderer on the loose, but whatever.

"Ahh a clue!" says our Fred, because he is the real hero of this story

"What is it?" his twin asks

"A feather!" announces Fred, pleased with himself

Fred and George look at each other and yell, simultaneously "I GOT IT! HARRY, HERMIONE, RON, DRACO COME HERE!"

Didn't Ron die? Well, it doesn't matter, this story has no continuity at all.

But when everyone else finally gets to where George/Fred had yelled from, George/Fred wasn't there. But there were stains of blood on the carpet.

Damn.

"Umm… I think this is bad." Said Draco

Then something happened that no one expected… A leprechaun appeared and whispered something in Draco's ear.

"Whisper, whisper, whisper." Said the happy leprechaun

Draco nodded "Oh, this all makes sense now."

"What all makes sense?" Hermione asked "Do you know who the killer is?"

Draco was very smug "Yes!

"Well, tell us!" Shouted Ron

The dark hooded figure came creeping up on Draco.

"No." said Draco simply

The dark hooded figure started creeping back because this guy was an ass and wasn't going to say who the killer was. Then the hooded figure thinks 'Hey, why not? It is fun killing people.' So he strangled Draco. But while he was strangling Draco, Harry and Ron grabbed him and Hermione kneed him.

Ron interrogated the killer "All right, who are you and why are you killing people?"

When the killer remained silent, Harry reached up to unmask the killer and it's… Mr. Feeny.

"Who are you?" asked Ron

Mr. Feeny looked around "Wait, this isn't John Adam's High, is it?"

The Trio shakes there heads.

"Damn it! I didn't go to the right place; I wonder who they got to be the killer. I bet they used the weird janitor…" And Feeny walked off mumbling while a stuffed doll started to sing.

"Feeny fuh fuh fuh Feeeeny."

Annie/Note: Woot! Another chapter come and gone.


	8. Ahh, the randomness of us

Author's Note: Review, eat a pie. So, this story was inspired by a conversation we had at about three o'clock in the morning. Hm… I am going to have to update some stuff. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: All hail J.K. Rowling

Chapter: Ahh, the randomness of us

"Wow, look! A squirrel!" yelled Harry

"Will you go out with me?" Hermione asked "Actually never mind, you are just plain chicken shit!"

Harry was highly offended by this question, even though she took it back "NEVER! I'm going to date Ginny!"

Ron couldn't take anymore of that "Stop bickering, you two! It doesn't matter which wall the posters on as long as it's up!

"No kidding! Just put up all the frickin posters! AHH, LONG LIVE THE ALMIGHTY PEN!" shouted Gred/Feorge

"What is up with all the pens having frickin names?" asked Voldie Poo

Voldie's number 1 servant was terrified "I don't know, but please don't hurt me, almighty Voldie Poo!"

"What is up with you naming your notebook?" a friend of mine asked the author of this fic.

"I love cheese! Garfield is really Harry. The truth is dead!" added Ernie

"Look at me! I'm famous! I'm going to do a jig." Harry announced and did a little jig.

Abe Suave looked around, amazed "OH MY GOSH! I AM ACTUALLY AN EXTRA IN A HARRY POTTER FANFICTION!"

"Oh, look at me!" Sirius skipped around a little "I'm at cute dog, even though I look like total crap in the movie." Skimper, skimper, skimper.

"I'm the coolest character! And I am apparently these people's heroes! YAY!" said Ernie. Ernie is my hero.

Fred looked around "Look at me! I am so much cooler then George! AHH TOPANGA!"

"OH MY GOSH! I AM A WEREWOLF! LOOK AT ME I'M SUCH A BAD COMPUTER GENERATED CHARCATER! WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Lupin stared at the other wizard "Look, I'm a werewolf."

"I am Christopher Hayden. Everyone in the entire world should hate me and Lorelai should marry Luke." Said Christopher Hayden

Man, I hate Christopher Hayden. He is on my list. Well, what does your list look like, annie? It is a piece of paper with 'Ross' written on it.

"Boy. Wizard. Hero. DEATH!" said Harry, yelling the final word.

"Why are all these characters that aren't supposed to be in the story in it?" Hermione wondered.

Ginny stuck her fingers in her ears and closed her eyes "I am not listening! LALALA!"

"I LOVE BEN!" Yelled Winky

"OH, MY GOSH! Don't you dare steal my boyfriend!" Yelled Moe, one of the co-authors of this fic.

"Harry Potter?" Ron pondered "The book of soup!"

Silence.

Harry broke the silence "Cricket, cricket." (A/N: If you know what movie commentary this is from, you get a prize!)

"Burm burm burm bur burm burm bur bur bur burm bur bur bur." Ron hummed "HEDWIG'S THEME!"

"That isn't the Harry Potter theme song, you idiot. It's the Star Wars theme song!" declared Ginny

Hermione just looked her future lover "No kidding, Ron. Get your sci-fi themes right."

"Hey," said Fred

"look said George

"a" said Fred

"SLINKY!" said George

"Man, I sure miss that fic." said every fic reader on the planet.

"Ahh, come to see the show?" asked Draco

Silence from the Harry Potter crew, but everyone else in the building started clapping and laughing insanely.

Draco stared "I have no idea where that came from…"

"Do you know what I have never gotten?"

Everyone answered in unison "No Harry, what haven't you ever gotten?"

"Well, how come there are different spellings for words that sound the same. Like know and no. Or too, to, and two. I mean doesn't that just add more confusion too the already confusing world?"

Ron started singing "Words, words, words are oh so fun! Words, words, words are for everyone! Oh, the power of words! WOOORDS!"

Everyone clapped. Ron bowed.

"Woooow, look at the steam from this straightner!" Hermione was amazed

"Yum, yum, guacamole." Said Ginny

"Rivers mean rapids." Reasoned George

"And rapids mean death." Finished Fred

A Giant Elephant started screaming "YAY FOR GLADWARE!"

There is so much yelling in this chapter, why can't we all just be calmer?

"Hey dude, we don't do advertisements here." Warned another Giant Elephant

Tony the Tiger appeared "I am dead."

Psychiatrist!

-------------------------------------------

Wow, that was a pretty line.

Annie/Note: How was the chap?


	9. Hmm… Tea Room

Author's Note: Hmmm… thinking. You guys wana review my story? Sweet.

Disclaimer: My name is sally. Seriously.

Chapter: Hmm… Tea Room.

Fred had a joke to tell. Tell that joke, Fred. "How many fat guys does it take to change a light bulb?"

"4?" George answered

"Nope, you can't get fat guys to change light bulbs." Fred finished

Random fat guy: (in between sobs) "STOP IT!" yelled a random fat guy in between sobs "It's not my fault I have an eating problem. It's… McDonald's fault. They should make their food less fattening; they should take control of what I meet! I shouldn't have to! YOU ALL SUCK!"

Harry laughed at the random fat guy "Haha, you are such a loser! LOSER!"

"Go to hell, FAT GUY!" screamed Ron

Ginny shook her head at her older brother "That was uncalled for."

"No kidding, Ron, that was mean." Hermione agreed

Fred joined in "Yea, what did that guy ever do to you?"

"You should think about what you say, before you say it." Harry advised

Everyone except Ron walked off saying bad things about Ron under their breath.

Ron just kinda stood there, totally confused "Wait… what?"

George popped up again "HA! I saw that coming."

"You suck." said Ron

Then Ron walked off leaving George all alone.

It was now George's turn to be confused "Wait… what?"

After all that wait… what-ness was done, the group was umm… kind of sitting in a circle. It was like when the cast of That 70s Show get stoned, only the Harry Potters weren't stoned. They didn't think that would be an appropriate thing to do in a store.

"Wow, half the profits of a tea room!" said Gin

"Man, I wish I had a tea room." Harry said, looking dreamy "It would be so cool if I had one. Alas, no."

Hermione tapped her head like she had an idea "Hmmm, maybe we could make a tea room."

"Well, how would one go about making a tea room?" Fred questioned

"I'm sure there is a website or book about it somewhere." Ron reasoned

Hermione turned to look at Ron "How do you know about the internet?"

Ron started to panic "What are you talking about? I don't watch internet porno videos of Paris Hilton!"(COUGH our other story that you should read COUGH).

"Anyway, I bet Ron's right. We could probably get a book." Said George

Hermione dashed off and returned carrying a somewhat large book.

Ginny read the title out loud "Creating tea rooms for dummies?"

Hermione smiled triumphantly "Yep! I'm sure it has everything we need."

They took about an hour creating their tea room. Turned out the book did have everything they needed.

"Hey, this book does have everything we needed!" cried Fred

"Nanananabooboo, I told you so!" sang Hermione

"Well, let's have some tea, shall we?" said Harry in a phony British accent, oh wait… he is British. Nevermind.

"But where can we get some?" George wondered

Ron stared off in to the abyss "Maybe in Texas…"

"But how do we get to Texas?" said Ginny, noting a flaw in that plan.

"You idiots!" yelled Hermione "We have tea right here!"

Fred stared at her "Really?"

George stared at her "Where?"

Harry stared at her "Yea, I don't see any."

Hermione stared at everyone "Oh, never mind. Come on, let's go to Texas."

"Texas sucks! DOWN WITH TEXAS!" cried Ron as he did the nice little upside down Longhorn hand thingy-mabober.

Suddenly a blur of burnt orange and white jumped Ron. (I sure have missed those suddenlys.)

Ron screamed "AHHHHHHHHHH! The Texas football team just jumped me! The pain, the suffering!"

Annie/Note: I am digging these lines. Well, another chapter killed and buried. Any thoughts on it?


	10. Die Spidey!

Author's Note: Ello. So we wrote this on the fourth of July. Only it was _last _Fourth of July. Oh well, it works. Maybe you have noticed that some of the chapters aren't labeled correctly. That's because I am just redoing all these chapters and I am skipping ones I don't like all that much. Like this was originally the 15 chapter. Well, I am totally not going to change the chaptering. It gives this story some flare.

Disclaimer: It's a duck! It's a boat! No, it's… Disclaimer Man!

"Disclaimer Man, help us!" screamed the little children.

"Get away evil lawyers! BAM! POW!" And Disclaimer Man destroyed the lawyers.

"Yay!" shrieked the little children. And all was good.

Chapter 15: Die Spidey!

"Hey guys, I need a smoke. Let's go outside." Said Hermione

Fred looked at her "You know smoking is bad, right?"

"Yeah, in The X-Files, smoking pretty much equals all that is evil." George added. Its true, but I am the chain smoking son of a bitch. Moe is Mulder. Kayla is Scully. Who was Liz? Dogget, Monica? She was someone crappy, I know that.

Hermione went wild with rage "NO! SMOKING IS GOOD!" Then she punched Fred.

"Let's not tell her that Miller Light has more flavor than Bud Light" Ginny whispered to Harry as the gang went outside. Outside they saw Scooby Doo shooting off fireworks.

"Woo, pretty fireworks!" said Ron as he started skipping around.

Harry was also totally amazed "So shiny!"

"Hey dog, why are you setting off fireworks?" Hermione asked Scooby

"Rell romie, rit's ruly rourth!"

The British group was all "Excuse me?"

"He said "Well homie, it's July fourth." Translated Shaggie

Ginny looked at Shaggie "Wow, you really look like Bill…"

"Anyway, why does it matter if it's July 4th?" asked Ron

"Well, it's the day the U.S. kicked Britain's ass. Duh, dude." Shaggie laughed and shot off another firework

The wizards looked at each other, they hated talking about the American Revolution, and it reminded them all about how much better the U.S. was. "Oh that! Anyway…"

Harry turned to Hermione "Umm yea, done with your deadly smoke?"

"Yea, I suddenly feel sick. Let's go back inside."

As they walked back into the store they saw a random child whining to his madre. "Mama! Mama! I want a Spiderman towel, costume, action figure, poster, soap, bed set, sticker, calendar, condom, cup, plate, silly string, silly string, silly string, toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, cereal, cookies, shirt, boxers, PJ bottoms, PJ top, pencils, pen, notebooks, and, and, and… OH a flashlight!

"Golly, how horrible." Said Ron in disgust

Hermione agreed "I know, there is way too much Spiderman stuff. The sellouts!"

"No, I meant horrible it is that that kid's mum probably won't buy him that flashlight."

"Ron, you're right. That's the worst thing I have ever heard." Fred said

"Let's have a moment of silence." George proposed

A moment of silence followed, interrupted by Ginny screaming "SCREW THIS! DIE, SPIDEY!"

"No kidding. I am going to kill the next Spiderman thing I see!" yelled Harry

And then, like it was a sign from the god's, Spiderman walked by.

"AHHH! DIE!" Harry ran at the man that looked like a spider and stabbed him with a very dull piece of chalk. That had to hurt.

"Let's see who's behind the mask!" Harry reached up and pulled of the mask, revealing… Neville!

"Holy crap, I just killed Neville!" Yeah, you did, Potter.

Neville opened his eyes and stood up "No, Harry! Its okay you just hit my platinum cell phone! I'm fine."

"YAY! I'm not a murder then!" Harry rejoiced. COUGHyetCOUGH.

Suddenly Ron broke out singing. (Thank geah, a needed a suddenly really bad.)

"Grab your kimono, come on let's go on an Asian challenge. Racin in a rickshaw we can make friends all over the Japanese islands. This is a race that must take place in our lives everyday we won't lose if we choose to run like Jesus says to! Far out Far East! Rickshaw rally racin to the son!" Ron finished

"Ron, shut up." Everyone said in unison.

Annie/Note: Look at the pretty line. Um… yeah. Some of that stuff was so old. Oh, well. I still heart it. REVIEW! Like seriously, if I read your stuff I would review. What is even the point of reading an entire story if you aren't going to review it? You people sicken me. You are the people that make me cry at night. And the fact that Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie aren't friends anymore. And because they cancelled Joan of Arcadia, even though I never watched the show. And because Dawson and Joey don't end up together.


	11. A rockin Drummer

Author's Note: I really need to get a life. Like today, I was woken by my dad at like twelve or one. He kept shaking me because I wouldn't get up but then he left so I was all happy. Then, I couldn't go back to sleep so I rolled over and hit the play button on the remote that was next to me and watched an episode of The X-Files. Then I got up and walked in to the game room and my dad was watching something Hitler related. I read some X-Files fanfiction. Then I ate noodles. Then I was forced to eat peaches and turkey, by my mom, because apparently I don't get enough meat or fruit. Then I made a xanga entry. Then Michelle IMed me and told me to write another chapter of Wally World. Then I wrote another chapter of Wally World. Then I watched another episode of The X-Files. Then I worked on my TV show. Then I read. Then I washed my hair in the sink. Then Moe called and I argued with her about how it wouldn't be icky if Lorelai and Luke got married and than Jess and Rory got together. She kept saying that they would like be related. And I told her it worked in Clueless. Then I hung up on her. Then her sister, Liz, IMed me and told me it would be icky, and then she signed off. Then my mom was like "Annie, what belt should I wear?" and I was like "Not that one, it is hideous." And then she went and changed her belt. Then she came back and was like "Here's twenty bucks when your brother gets home from work have him get food for the two of you." And I was like "Where are you going?" And she was like "Out to eat." And I was like "Oh, yeah." Then I made popcorn and watched VH1. Then I listened to some Green Day. Then I typed this. Okay, that was very exciting. Um… review this chapter.

Disclaimer: I have a family!

Chapter 10: A rockin Drummer

"Hey guys," Fred started "Who do you think is really responsible for the death of John F. Kennedy?"

"The CIA." answered Ginny

"Really?" asked Ron "Because I think it was the mafia."

The main characters stopped talking about JFK and started running around chanting something I can't quite make out; they stop when they notice "Draco" looking at CDs.

"Hey Malfoy," Fred said "glad to see you without your hooker attire."

"Yea, you look much hotter this way." Ginny added

"Draco" looked pretty confused "Umm, do I know you guys?"

Ron laughed "Hah, good one, Malfoy."

They all chuckled when "Draco" suddenly pulled out some matches a huge torch. (Hey, a suddenly! I bet me pointing out whenever the word suddenly is said is pretty annoying, huh?)

"LOOK I HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU PEOPLE ARE BUT I HAVE FIRE AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO BURN YOU!" "Draco" warned.

"Gosh, stop freaking out, Draco." Hermione said

"MY NAME ISN'T DRACO, IT'S FREDDY!"

Everyone shared a look that said 'what the hell is wrong with Malfoy? He is acting way weirder than normal and he thinks his name is Freddy. And what is up with the fire thing? Why doesn't he just like hex us?'

"Now Dra- I mean, Freddy, why do you feel so angry?" Hermione asked in a shrink-like voice.

Freddy sniffled "Well, I guess it's because people keep bothering me calling me Draco or Malfoy. I just want to be left alone to drum."

Ron muttered to himself "Oh, he can drum now. Great, just one more thing he can kick my ass in!"

"Whoa, you can drum?" Ginny asked Freddy

Freddy stopped crying "Yea and I've been in a movie. It was called School Of Rock, you see it?"

Fred/George answered "Nope, sorry missed that one. But it is still sooooo awesome you can drum and were in a movie. Rock on!"

Everyone had a nice chat with Freddy, even though they still thought it was Malfoy gone insane. After a while Freddy had to go.

"Hey guys, I have to leave. It's my bedtime."

"Bye-bye." Everyone waved.

After he leaves they all start laughing at insane Draco. Then they started skipping. Everyone stopped when they noticed Freddy was back.

"Hey, Freddy!" Harry called "I thought it was your bedtime?"

"Yea, you just left, why are you back?" Ginny asked

Ron looked at what Freddy was wearing "And why did you change clothes?"

"Freddy? What are you guys talking about? My name isn't Freddy, it's Draco."

Hermione shot him a nasty look "Oh, so you're back to being Malfoy? Make up your mind all ready. Are you an evil villain or a kickass drummer?"

Malfoy just stared at everyone, confused like. Everyone besides Draco scoffed and walked off, giving each other looks that said 'Oh, my god. What is wrong with him today? Is he like on medication or something? I liked him better when he was Freddy'

The Harry Potters, actually I should really call them the Freds, because he is the coolest character in this fic considering Ernie hasn't been around since chapter eight. Anyways, The Freds were walking up and down every aisle when Hermione stopped dead in her tracks.

"Do you guys know what I hate?" she asked

There were quite a few answers given.

"Diana Fowley?"

"Satan?"

"Pot being illegal?"

"This fic?"

"Toothpaste?"

"Everybody Loves Raymond?"

"Really long author's notes?"

"Dean?"

"Telemarketers?"

"Chain emails?"

"Really ugly colors of paint?"

"STOP!" yelled Hermione. "Damn it! Now I can't remember what I was going to say. Thanks a lot guys, thanks."

"Your welcome!" said every other member of The Freds in unison.

Annie/Note: Hmm… I liked that chapter. I am a fan of the whole Freddy/Draco thing. The two really look similar. Go watch School Of Rock then watch Harry Potter. They are practically the same person! I think it is the same person… dun dun dun. CONSPIRACY! CONSPIRACY! So I have been blabbering a lot about nothing because my goal for this chapter was to have over 1,000 words, I did that! So yay for me!

Oh, yeah. Review.

annie


	12. Pinkie Voldie

Author's Note: Review, review, tra la. OH! I got my hair highlighted, guys! It looks sooooo perdy. Well, I like it at least.

annie

Disclaimer: Oh, how I miss Disclaimer Man. Where has he gone off to?

Chapter 9: Pinkie Voldie.

Ron discovers the telly playing Cheaper by the Dozen. Fantastic movie. They're making a sequel, ya know? Ain't that sad…

"Yeah without you, we would be like… eleven."

"Harry, what is this?" Ron asked.

"A television, it is so much better than magic, because it is like… magical."

"Right, okay."

"AHH, JACOB SMITH IS SOOOO HOT!" yelled Ginny.

Everyone else stared at her in a questiony way. They sent her a look that said 'He is hot, but he isn't like THAT hot. There are many more attractive guys.'

Ginny stared back and replied "He is. Okay, fine, I'm done now."

Then out of nowhere Some Bad Dude appeared appears. Gasps are heard from all corners of the earth.

"Harry," Some Bad Dude started "Join me or I…" He was cut off by his own wheezes and coughs. Get a drop, dude. Some Bad Dude turned an odd pinkish color.

Voldemort: I cough wheeze wheeze need my cough cough inhaler wheeze

"Pan, you're pink!" Harry screamed and then blacked out from laughing.

Some Bad Dude looked like he was going to cry. "Stop laughing! I will come back and will not be defeated by asthma, which isn't that bad to have. Did you know that now a days 1 out of every 3 kids have it? But sometimes an inhaler won't be enough, so be sure to call your doctor and see what you can do to help. Remember you must be 18 years or older to call." So, it wasn't a cold, it was asthma. And I will most deffinatley call on that inhaler not being enough thing.

"Well that," said Fred.

"Was very," said George.

"Interesting," said Fred.

Anyways…

Suddenly the Olsen Twins, oh I'm sorry they are separate people and want to be known as separate people, Mary-Kate and Ashley, I mean, appeared out of nowhere.

"Is," George said.

"That," Fred said.

"Who," George said.

"We," Fred said.

"Think," George said.

"It is?" Fred finished.

Hermione appears out of no where, wearing a Home Improvement shirt. (Two suddenlys in a row, this is like heaven.)

"It's the Olsen twins!" exclaimed Hermione.

Fred and George start feeling jealous. Gred/Feorge are the coolest twins around.

Fred and George shared a look and yelled, simultaneously, "Come on everyone, let's get them!"

And everyone went and got them. They totally beat the shit out of those former Full House stars.

"Like, oh my gosh, this, like, really hurts!" complained Ashley.

"Like, ouch like, stop pulling out my like, hair," said Mary-Kate "If you don't, I'll get like, mean."

"You go girl!" praised Ashley

But before Mary-Kate could respond, Ron punched her, causing her to lose that memory of hers. The Freds ran off screaming. A strange buzzing noise was following them.

Ginny stopped, and looked around, "What is that strange buzzing noise?" she asked.

"Oh, no! It's the stalker bug!" Ron yelled

"AHHH!" everyone screamed.

They all started running again, but that damn bug kept following.

"AHH, DIE STALKER BUG!" he swung around and swatted down that stalker bug!

"Muhahaha, I WIN!" Fred gloated

Everyone else cheered and clapped while Fred bowed.

-------------------------------------------

FINI!

Annie/Note: Reviewage? So, you like, you like? Geah, I remember that stalker bug. Well, the bug that stalker bug is based off of. My bug was out to get me.


	13. Look at that kick a lamp

Author's Note: Well, I think I have redone all the old chapters. Crap. That means I have to like make up new crap. Damn… I am so not feeling creative. This suckssssss.

Chapter 23: Look at that kick a lamp.

Harry looked up at the title of this chapter "What? What? This is so not chapter twenty-three."

"What are you talking about, Harry?" asked Hermione.

"The chapter," he pointed upward. "Don't you guys see it?" everyone looked at him. What was he talking about? "The chapter title," Harry continued "Those big words up there that say chapter twenty-three. This is clearly not chapter twenty-three."

Maybe the writer of the fic is lazy and didn't want to have to go look at what chapter it was. It isn't like it matters, no one is reading this.

Ginny ran up to the group. She looked around for a second because Harry was pointing at something and everyone was looking at him like he was crazy. Ginny shrugged, no one was reading this anyway. She pulled out a lamp that was in the shape of a sweater.

"Guys! Check out this really cool lamp."

"Whoa, it looks exactly like Jeff Probst's head," noted Ron.

"No, it looks like John Hughes," corrected George.

Ginny looked at the sweater again. 'What were these people seeing?' She thought.

"John Hughes?" asked Harry "It looks exactly like Macaulay Culkin."

Ginny looked at the lamp again. 'What? What?'

Hermione laughed "Hey, that's funny. Cause John Hughes wrote Home Alone… and Macaulay Culkin was in it." Everyone stared at her, blankly. Hermione stared back. "Screw this!" she ran off into the distance.

Suddenly, Gary Coleman ran up and grabbed the lamp away from Ginny. "I am the best child star there ever was! MACAULAY CULKIN IS CRAP!" he yelled, and smashed the lamp to smithereens.

"HELL NO!" yelled Fred. "MACUALY CULKIN IS THE BEST CHILD STAR EVER!"

"NOT ACCORDING TO VH1!" counterattacked Arnold Jackson. I mean… Gary Coleman.

Fred stared at him. "You suck."

Everyone nods. Gary cries. Everyone else cheers. The writer of this fic goes to get a Snapple.

WHAT! NO SNAPPLE! The world has truly come to an end.

"Damn. I was going to say something," said Harry "But now I can't remember what it was."

"Yeah, don't you hate it when that happens?" asked Mione

I know I do.

-------------------------

Annie/Note: Short. Crappy. But I still love it. REVIEW! I frickin hate it when people read stories and then don't review. If you hate it, tell me. If you love it, tell me. If you are just reading this because FFN killed Slinky and you are really bored, tell me. If you enjoy all of our subtle running bits, tell me. If you hope I fall down a staircase, tell me. Kay? Kay. Now… I need chapstick, my lip hurts.


	14. HBP is a fanfic?

Author's Note: Ahhhh. Good to be back. I know you guys missed me. I know. I missed all of you, too. Why don't you tell me how much you missed (or hate) me by REVIEWING, YOU PANSIES! Goooood. So. HBP? What do you guys think about it?

Disclaimer: I am too tired to think of something witty. I do not own the Harry Potterness or anything else I talk about. I do own the X-Files movie on DVD, though. And the stupid commentary won't fricking work! I mean, I already had the movie on VHS back from when my brothers were obsessed with X-Files the first time it came through and I wasn't allowed to watch it. So, I really just bought it on DVD so I could hear the commentary. But nooooo. The world hates me. I think FFN had something to do with it.

Chapter Eight: HBP is a fanfic?

"Hey guys! Check this out!" Fred yelled from the book section of Wal-Mart.

"What is it?" Hermione asked from the food aisle where she was eating some low fat Sour Cream & Onion Pringles.

"It's the next year in our lives!"

Squeals were heard from all over the store as the Freds came running to join their leader on the book aisle.

Harry looked most excited. "I am sooo glad. I was getting really tired of being pissed all the time. So yeah, my parents are dead because of me and so is my godfather but really couldn't I still have gotten some action from Cho? Because that was one lame ass kiss JKR put in the last book."

Ron turned to Hermione. "Think we'll finally hook up in this book?"

"Nah, JKR is going to try and keep us apart for as long as possible. We got a more MulderScully thing going, we won't get together until after I have had your child even though I had no ova and you are abducted by aliens then buried alive. It isn't like DawsonJoey where we just get together after thirteen episodes."

Ron nodded. "True, true."

They all ripped into the books.

"Yay!" Harry cried. "I am no longer pissed! I'm all happy tra la la, nothing is wrong with my life!"

"But you still can't shoot lasers out of your eyes," Ron pointed out.

Now Harry looked dismayed. "Yeah, I know. I mean that is clearly what is going to happen. My eyes are green, which is important. Well, duh, I'm going to be able to shoot green lasers of death out of my eyeballs."

"There are so many theories out there, one would think someone would have thought of that already," said Ginny.

"Well, people are stupid. Look at all the Snarry fics out there," reasoned Hermione.

"YESSSS!" screamed Fred and George together as they jumped up and started doing a happy dance.

Everyone stared.

Fred danced.

George danced.

Michael Jackson was declared innocent.

"Why are you all so happy?" asked Harry.

"We are rich!" the twins yelled in unison. "Really rich!"

Ron sucker punched his brothers.

"Hey, Gin! Guess what?" said Harry.

"People are actually reading this?"

Everyone laughed. "Good one, Ginny. But, no. We hook up in this book!"

"Oh joy! I was so sick of kissing a mudblood."

"Yeah and there is lots of talk about a 'creature' living inside of me. Sexual innuendo much?"

Silenced filled Wal-Mart for a couple of hours as everyone finished the book up. Everyone in the world finished at the same time and slowly closed the book.

"What!"

"We didn't get together even though there was jealousy out the wazoo?" said Ron.

"I go all Spiderman at the end and dump Ginny because I'm afraid Voldie is going to snatch her?" asked Harry.

Hermione slowly looked around. "Hey guys, does this remind anyone else of a fanfiction?"

Ginny nodded. "Now that you mention it, the sixth book does seem very fanfic like. Not really like JKR writing it."

"Maybe in a couple days, JKR is just going to be all 'HAH! KIDDING! I totally tricked you.' And then the real book will be put out," suggested Ron.

"We can only hope, Ron, we can only hope," said Harry.

Harry noticed a wild pig running around the store. He stared at the pig and green lasers shot out of his eyes, killing the pig. Everyone had a big bon fire in the middle of Wal-Mart.

------------------------------------------

Annie/Note: FINI! Well, not with the story but with the chapter. You like? You like? It was sort of different from other chapters. There was almost a plot and a central theme. I will try to never have that happen again. 799 words. Well, more now. Because I keep typing. I really like modern technology. Except, it will be the death of us all.


	15. Maybe the last

Author's Note: Time for a new chapter? Not really. I mean, I already updated today. And I made a new story! Cept, it isn't really new. It just used to be a story inside of a story. Now it has its own special place. Yaaaaay. Allright, fellows. Here is the deal. I'm going to be like GONE for two weeks. So that pretty much means no more new updation. Unless Liz writes something, and apparently Kayla is going to redo All A Dream or something. But probably no new WallyWorld chaps considering this is practically my story. Enjoy this chapter, all. And review it, or this chapter might just be my last.

Chapter Nine: Maybe The Last

"Hello, my friends!" yelled Harry. "I have something very important to tell you. This could change the course of all our lives. Nothing will ever be the same."

Everyone was now anticipating something horrible and were starting to get very worried.

"What is it, Harry?" asked Ginny.

Annie/Note: Whoops, time for Friends. Gotta go, guys.


	16. Not an Author's Note, I promise

Author's Note: I love COS… it is playing on Disney Channel as we speak. And they are showing the deleted footage. Know what that means? Ernie's scene was in the movie! I love that Ernie… he really does rock.

Disclaimer: I own the world. Minus the stuff I don't own. This includes Harry Potter. Therefore, I do not own Harry Potter. Maybe.

Chapter 16: This is not an author's note… I promise… but it does have a very important message. Listen to it, everyone. Listen.

"Harry," Ginny started, looking at the wizard. "What is the news? We are all waiting anxiously."

"Well, children, I can't answer you yet."

"Why ever not, Pop?" asked Hermione

'What? This is 2005, who says Pop?' thought Harry. "Because, little ones, not enough people have reviewed this story. Griffin14 tried that secret washing machine thing but it didn't really pan out. Then the author of the fic tried to use her newly found riflery skills, but it turns out she is really only good at that when she is shooting her button at camp. She can never bring herself to kill actual people. Even if they are icky."

All of the little children nodded, understanding and agreeing. "I sure hoped those people out there review this amazing story," said Ron.

"So do I, Ron, so do I."

Annie Note: There we are, children, there we are. I loved that washing machine idea, RanwenElena. But, yeah… it didn't work. I know, I'm really sad too. Have I mentioned that I am watching COS on Disney? Because I am. Oh yeah, look up at there. I already said it. Crazy me.


	17. Salt Yum

Author's Note: I sure do love those crazy x-files. Right now it's the episode where the lone gunmen are introduced. I love those gunmen.

I had to work today. Exciting? I think so.

Chapter 1: Yum. Salt.

Harry looked around at his friends. He then turned around and sprinted off like he had just gotten a fantastic idea. Our hero (the one that isn't Fred, I mean) ran to the food aisle, he seemed to be looking for something but not finding it. After kicking over an empty package of low-fat Sour Cream & Onion Pringles and picking something off the ground Harry cried out in glee. "YAAAAAY!" He was holding salt. The Boy Who Kicked Ass opened up the bottle of salt and threw delicious salt all over the people that weren't reviewing. Then he ate them. Then he spit them back up. Then they reviewed. Then the author of this fic stopped doing these annoying, pointless half chapters that don't even cause people to review. Then FFN lost. Then the world was happy and our three other original stories were put back on the internet.

------------------------------------

Annie Note: What was that chapter? I am not sure. And I wrote it. But I loved it a lot. See, I was staring at this salt that was on my computer desk, I'm not sure why it was on my computer desk… maybe I was eating tomatoes or something up here and they just weren't salty enough, and I was getting mad for many reasons (people not reviewing, stories I liked not being updated, the next book in the 1-800-where are you series not being at the library) … and I just sort of started typing. I am not really sure what is going on. I think everyone should review, though. I mean, look at the happiness that is caused when you people review. loses! Yesssss.


	18. That crazy dead Dumbledore

Author's Note: All right… I am doing something I have never done. I am responding to people's reviews. This is always happening in other stories and it looks like fun… but I'm only going to do the last few reviews…enjoy. I know I will.

Jade Higurashi: Yes, I hate the stupid half-chapters, too. And they didn't even work… no reviews… none. Okay, that was a total lie. We got like two reviews. Including yours! Thank you! Yes, I am glad you find the story hilarious; I was going for funny when I was writing it.

LIz: Are you the Liz I know? Do I know you? Well, either way, I will keep writing… and you shall find out what the life changing news is. Just wait. Oh, just wait.

LuvIsAVerb: Yes! Cho was a huge brat! Why didn't Harry just slap her and go make out with Ginny. Harry and Ginny should be together and so should Ron and Hermione. Those are the perfect couples. If it doesn't end up that way I am going to be very mad. And hurt someone. And yes, luv is a verb. And I looooove long reviews… write more of them.

MysticElf4: Well, thank you for loving me. So few people do love me. Did you know it's a verb? Anyway, what are you talking about? Smoking Brit? Gorillaz? Fire Coming out of a Monkey's head? I am so hood. And I am American… why would I hate myself? And I don't really hate British people… but I think they hate me. Rupert is hot. As is Dan Rad. But really, I just like saying "Dan Rad." Don't you? I wish we could bring back the original Wally World, but sadly, it is not possible. The original Wally World had script format… and according to the idiots at FFN, I mean the extremely nice people that just want what is best for us, script format is equal to death… or something like that. mumblesIDIOTSmumbles

Me: Hey! You can't be me. I am me! You are so silly! Yes, I am told this is a funny story. Thank you. Thank you oh so much.

Subtlemoon: Man… I wish I had a laptop. Can I have yours? I bet you don't need it. Yes, go sleep. It is good for you. While you sleep, I will keep up the good work. Seems like a plan.

Kla2: I know! I love those crazy Friends! Chandler is my favorite… or maybe Phoebe… it doesn't really matter. Klarrissa, I haven't seen you in like a year! Actually, it has only been summer… but whatever. See ya when school starts again. Oh, no. Now I have depressed myself… thinking of school. Make it stop!

Griffin14: Get a life. And stop reviewing your own stories. You are such a loser.

Oh yay! That was so much fun… I should do it more, no?

----------------------------------------

Disclaimer: The Return of Disclaimer Man

"Yaaaaay!" screamed the little children as everyone's favorite super hero flew into Town Square.

"Where have you been, Disclaimer Man?" called out a lady in a green dress and extremely tall red heals.

"Well, I was in Prague, the country, not the continent. And Prague is spelled with a g not a q even though it doesn't sound like it," explained Disclaimer Man.

There was some confusion as every started saying "Prague" and finding out it sounded like a g, not a q. 'What has Disclaimer Man talking about?' all the townspeople thought. But it didn't really matter. He was their superhero.

"What were you doing in Prague?" asked a little girl

"There were some stories there that need disclaiming. But don't you fret, I am back. And I will disclaim this story."

Then Disclaimer Man climbed to the top of the highest building and yelled out for everyone to hear. "The writer of this story doesn't own Harry Potter or anything else she talks about!" Everyone cheered.

----------------------------------------

Chapter 18: That crazy dead Dumbledore. I know, I cry along with you.

Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and the twins watched as Harry happily skipped towards them, throwing salt and occasionally twirling.

"Harry! My love!" Ginny cried out. "Have enough people reviewed this horrible story?" Because I must know what the life altering news is!"

"Ginny! My love that I dumped because I have a Spiderman complex and a hero complex!" Harry yelled back. "No, not enough people have reviewed this horrible story. But I have grown tired of these silly half chaps. Therefore," he paused dramatically. "I will share the news!" Harry finished with a flourish.

Everyone else cheered and settled themselves down on the floor with a large batch of popcorn. They were ready for a story.

"I am sure you have all heard of Albus Dumbledore," said Harry.

"Isn't he the one that died in the last book?" asked Ron as he threw popcorn at a cat that was waking by.

Harry nodded and continued. "Well, our former Headmaster that is now dead is actually… my grandfather!"

Loud gasps and shrieks of surprise were heard from the other five.

Hermione was the first to speak up. "Wait, why does that matter so much? I mean A, you were already practically a son to the guy. And B, it isn't like the fact that you are related to Albus is going to make some _other_ bad dude want to kill you."

"So really, the news didn't change anything," said Ginny. "I am a little disappointed in you."

Harry ran off to cry in the boy's bathroom.

"Now, kids, I hope you have all learned a valuable lesson from this chapter. Extremely fanon theories can only lead to bad things," said Fred, the rightful leader of this gang.

"Yes, Pop, we did all learn a valuable lesson," said everyone else in unison. And our Fred didn't question the usage of the word Pop.

"Oh yeah," Fred added as an afterthought. "And Ron is a deatheater."

As everyone else screamed, a little boy with green paint on his face popped out from behind a bookshelf and Avada Kedavra-ed that deatheater.

----------------------------------------

Annie Note: Ta da! And so ends the legend of the half chapter. The half blooded chapter, that is. You know that boy with the green paint on his face? That is true. He killed me and my friends at the HBP release. It was terrifying. I saw my whole life flash before my eyes.

REVIEW…please… with sugar on top… and ice cream… and a cherry… and Hershey's sauce…


	19. There is a parrot on my shoulder

A/N: Chappie! Chappie! Chappie! Wow, look at that squirrel in that tree! Noooo, come back little squirrel, I want to watch you frolic as I type this fanfiction. Bother, the squirrel left. Now I am all sad.

YEEEEEES. It is time for review answering…

Jade Higurashi: I know! I am really sad that the Legend of the Half-Chap is over… I am going to cry. Why were you prancing when Dumbledore died? I wasn't sad… I was just in shock. I will miss him, but at least I have his portrait… what is up with the portraits anyway? Sure, he went to cry with the Myrtle that is Moany. I will update! I like sugar cookies best.

Where-my-heart-resides: This story is a tad random, huh? Oh well, I still love it. And apparently you people do too. Woooo. Yay! Added to faves! Keep those reviews a comin.

Me: Are you me or are you Grace? I am so confused! Yeah, it is really just me (not grace) that writes this fic. Moe is actually helping me with this chapter because we were chilling and we got kicked out of MugglenetChat and she was like, "Let's write a chappie of wallyworld!" and I was like "Sweet." So there you are.

Disclaimer: 'S all Jo.

------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 19: There is a pen in my mouth and a parrot on my shoulder.

Ron was dead. Harry was crying. Little green-faced boy was a killer. Fred was Pop. George was not as cool as Fred. Hermione was a silly. Ginny was Harry's ex-love. Annie was super cool. Where was Bobby Fisher? Nobody knows…

BUT OH, WAIT! This is a super story. Therefore, everyone can come back even if they are dead! "Yaaaay," screamed the little fans of Disclaimer Man "We love our Won."

Me too. Me too.

The Freds were chilling on the school supplies aisle when Aladdin showed up.

"Aladdin!" yelled Ginny. "You are the best Disney character ever!"

Ron raised his hand.

"Yes, Ron?" asked Harry, the DADA teacher.

"I'm not sure about Aladdin being the best Disney character. I mean, what about Simba? Lion King is classic."

Harry nodded, "That is a very good point, Ron. Ginny, your thoughts?"

"Shut up, Harry. No one likes you."

Harry ran off to cry again.

"Take off your clothes," whispered Aladdin.

"Shit," said the monkey.

Genie wrote "Sex," on the chalkboard.

J.K. Rowling was in the Harry Potter movies.

Draco appeared out of nowhere (ah, the Home Improvement shirts) and walked right up to Aladdin. "Do you know the guy that plays you was in Full House? He was Steve. He ate lots."

Aladdin poked Draco in the forehead.

Suddenly (I smile) Iago swooped in and sat on Ron's shoulder. The youngest male Weasley looked very surprised. Iago had a gel pen in his mouth, it was purple, and the parrot placed the pen in Ron's mouth and screeched. Ron yelled "Flabbergasted!" really loud.

"Remember when children's cartoons didn't suck?" asked Hermione.

I know I do. Those were the days.

Fred stopped a random girl in the store. "Hillary Duff, what are you doing here?"

The random girl looked very confused. "What? I'm not Hillary Duff."

But it was too late. "Hillary Duff! Hillary Duff! Hillary Duff on the school supplies aisle!" yelled Fred and fifty kids swarmed the random girl.

The non-Hillary Duff was stomped to death. Oh no, she's dead.

-----------------------------------------------

Annie/Note: Hizzah! Yeah, I was really not hyper while writing this… it is probably crap… sorry about that… let's see how many dots I can use…My bum itches. Did you enjoy that chapter? I did. I really love Aladdin… clearly the best Disney movie ever… I go to school tomorrow. First day of high school. I am going to get lost and tell you all about my woes. Be prepared to hear all about the first day back in my next AnnieNote. Do you people even read this? I wouldn't.


	20. People are upset

A/N: TA DA! I am back. By the way, I am actually saying stuff in this note that you might want to pay attention to. Since this whole school thing started I will therefore not be able to write much. Because I have like school… and homework… and my social life. That doesn't leave much room for writing fanfiction. But I am writing this chapter. And I wrote a nonfunny one-shot… crazy, I know. Enjoyo. And reviewo.

Xxxxxx: Made no sense? Check that. Was completely stupid? Check that. Offended pretty much everyone it could? You serius! THAT IS SO AWESOME! I have always wanted to be offensive. Yesss.

Crazy Kawaii: I agree. Americans do kick ass. Wooo x-files. DUDE! Can I have your Mulder Scully action figures? Pleasssse? Thanks!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha: Nice name, by the way. Do I care what Wal Mart is in Britain? It isn't like Harry Potter was created there or anything… by the way, totally mentioning this in the fic. And actually, I'm not on anything. But people have sat around discussing what drug they think I am on. They ended up with speed. Your thoughts? I like your reviews. Keep em' coming. You aren't half obsessed with Britishness and Americanness (although you have calmed down a bit no) I'm not half obsessed with Britishness and Americanness? Whaaat? I've calmed down a bit? Yeah, I reckon I have. Should I uncalm down?

Where-my-heart-resides: Why thank you! I'll keep updating and you keep reviewin. It's a plan.

Kla2: Yep, Chris is in the class of Espanola. It is quite hysterical.

Jade Hiqurashi: How did you know? Sugar cookies are my favorite! Oh, I love Dumbles… but I don't read DracoHarry fics… so there you are. I love Aladdin! And Simba! And all that good stuff!

Disclaimer: Totally own it I don't.

---

"DUDE! It is Heath Ledger!"

Fred spun around. "Who said that?" he asked. "Who said that thing about Heath?"

Harry also spun around, looking for the person that was talking about Heath. "I'm not sure. The voice just came out of nowhere. And I think it was wearing a Home Improvement shirt."

"I don't like this. I don't like this at all."

"I know, Fred. I know. But what can we do? The voices are going to come. We can't stop them. We don't have the power."

"WE HAVE TO HAVE THE POWER!"

"Fred! Fred! Listen to me," Harry looked Fred straight in the eye and spoke slowly. "There is nothing we can do. The voices are just going to come."

"But I don't want them to. I hate them."

Then Hermione broke out in song.

"ROOOOON!" sang Hermione. "ROOOON. I LOOOOOOOORVE YOU! I would buy illegal drugs for you! I would bake a sorting hat cake for you! I would drink Windex for you! I would kill a pretty ant for you! I would buy a bracelet for you! I would eat paper towels for you! I would watch Everybody Loves Raymond for you! I would inject Harry with cancer for yoooooooooooouuuuuuuuuu!" she finished dramatically.

Everyone clapped.

"You should join the opera, Hermione!" suggested Ginny.

"Hm… I think I will." Hermione hopped on a bus and BAM she was in the opera.

Everyone gathered together in a group huddle, like they were going to go play a game of sports. "I am Fred, your leader. And I am sure going to miss that know-it-all."

"HERMIONE!" yelled Ron. "HERMIONE! Why did you leave me? Is it because I didn't write you a song? I will! I promise I will write you a song! And buy you the first nine seasons of Friends on DVD! I promise you!"

"Ron!" Harry was shaking Ron, trying to bring him some sense. "Ron! You have to come to your senses! Hermione is gone and no matter how many seasons of Friends you buy her, she isn't coming back."

Ron fell to the floor. "No, I'll buy her the eleventh season. That will bring her back. The eleventh season!" he was shaking now and sucking his thumb.

Harry let go of Ron and turned towards Ginny and the twins. "He is going crazy. There is no eleventh season."

"Oh, creators of Friends," said Ginny. "Why didn't you make just one more season? Forget Joey and just make another season of Friends! Is that too much to ask?"

"Yes, Ginny. It is," said George, speaking for the first time. "But maybe, we can make an eleventh season."

Everyone stared at George. Ron took his thumb out of his mouth.

Fred spoke first. "What do you mean, George?"

"I mean, why don't we hire Jen and the whole gang? It isn't like Jen is busy with a husband or anything."

"I'm still not following," said the cooler twin.

George shook his head, looking for a better way to explain his brilliant idea. "We can write our own eleventh season. Film it ourselves. Put it on DVD. The whole caboodle. Then we can bring Hermione back."

Ron sat up. "Can we really do it?"

Ginny had a determined look on her face. "We can do it!"

Fred, George, Ron, and Harry got back into the huddle and put their hands together in the middle. "Eleventh season! Eleventh season! Eleventh season!" the chanted as they jumped up and down. "GO FREDS!" they finished.

"Accio Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox Arquette, Lisa Kudrow, Matt LeBlanc, Matthew Perry, and David Schwimmer!" screamed Harry.

A zooming noise filled the air.

----------------------------------------------------------

Annie Note: Oh my gosh… See? This is what happens when I just start writing and don't think at all. We end up with people from Harry Potter creating an eleventh season of Friends. I LOVE IT! I hope you all enjoyed this wonderful chappie. Review? Yes. And I will go to sleep. Yaaay sleep. But first, I will watch some Friends. My brother's girlfriend actually has like nine seasons of Friends on DVD. I went to her house yesterday and saw her amazing collection. It was a pretty site.


	21. He is Ross and he always will be

Author's Note: Hokay, people. New chappie. I loooorve you all.

Oh yes the mighty sam: Your name isn't Sam. We all know the truth. Nope, my fic and your angst ain't ever gonna meet. And I'll keep on writing. When I'm not doing something more important….

Kla2: I would want to see the 11th season of Friends too. Because it would be, in the words of Rorie and I, tizzight.

Where-my-heart-resides: I love your reviews! Even if you have been reading this for forever. That makes me feel all special… people are still reading this story after all the weird crap. Yaay for you!

Disclaimer: I don't not not own this schiz…. or Friends… but I do have friends… they are pretty great friends…

Chapter 21: He is Ross and he always will be in our hearts.

The zooming noise continued as Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox Arquette, Lisa Kudrow, Matt LeBlanc, Matthew Perry, and David Schwimmer flew through the air and landed at the feet of the great Harry Potter. The friends looked around in total confusedness.

"Where are we? And who the hell are you people?" asked Jen, she was the only important one after all.

Fred spoke up, because he is the leader. "I am Fred, the leader. And these are my friends… we are wizards… and we have been stuck in Wal-Mart since October 5, 2004."

The cast of Friends looked at him like he was crazy. "Are you kidnappers?" asked Matt… the LeBlanc one. "Because I need to get back soon, I've got to film the next episode of Joey."

"Yeah, and I have some Hanes sellout commercials to film," said Matt… the Perry one.

"I have to get back to reading about my divorce and practicing my next speech about how Angelina Jolie had nothing to do with it," added Jen.

The other three started to say their own reasons about why they needed to get back to their stupid lives, but luckily, they were interrupted by Ron. "SHUT THE HELL UP! You are just making us all cry. Now, we know you guys all seriously suck now but we need you. We need you, damn it!"

"All right, you freak red head," said Ross… I mean, David. "What do you need us to do and why do you need us to do it?"

"Well, Ross," started Ron, but he was interrupted by Ross.

"The name is actually David; Ross is just a character I play on TV."

The Freds laughed and Ron started talking again. "Okay, Ross, whatever you say. Now, I need you guys to film an eleventh season of Friends for me."

The six actors looked at each other in confusion, it was clear to them they were dealing with totally insane people. Who else but crazy people would stay in Wal-Mart for over a year? "I'm sorry; I must not have heard you correctly. But an eleventh season?" said Lisa.

Ginny nodded. "That's right. My brother here," She put a hand on Ron's shoulder. "Has lost the love of his life to the opera."

"DAMN YOU, OPERA!" yelled Harry. Ginny came over and took his hand in hers.

"Don't worry, Harry. Everything is going to work out all right." She gave him an encouraging smile and turned back to Matt, Matt, Lisa, Jen, Courteney, and Ross.

"Now, don't you see how important that last season is?"

Matt, Matt, Lisa, Jen, Courteney, and Ross shook their heads. "Yeah… no, I still don't understand what any of this has to do with us. And I don't understand why you people don't just leave Wal-Mart," said Courteney, speaking for the first time.

"The only way to bring Hermione, Ron's love, back is for you guys to make an eleventh season. It is really very simple," said George. "Idiots."

"Just hold on one second while we decide," said Jen and gestured to her little group to make a huddle.

The Freds held each other's hands and waited anxiously. After what seemed like entire seconds, or possibly several sunlit days, the Friends put their hands in the middle of their huddle, chanted "NBC sucks!" and broke out of their huddle.

"Hokay," said Jen, clearly their leader. "We'll do it."

The Freds cheered loudly and a lot.

"Yes! Come on, Ross, we've got some filming to do!" yelled Ginny.

"The name is David! Not Ross! What will it take to make you people see?"

Now, all you readers, would be the time to insert a montage of The Freds and The Friends writing, filming, and doing lots of technological stuff to put the show on DVD. The song that is playing is Harry Nilsson's _Best Friend_. A clip of a frustrated Fred wading up a piece of paper that he had been writing on is shown, a clip is shown of Harry doing Matt and Matt's hair, a clip of David and Ron yelling then forgiving each other and hugging, a clip of Jen starting to cry while filming a scene, a clip of George surrounded by lots of technical looking equipment writing "DVDs suck!" on a wall with spray paint, and finally the music fades out as we view a happy looking bunch all standing around triumphantly, George is holding up a DVD set.

"That was a lot of fun, guys. I wouldn't have realized how much I missed filming this show if it wasn't for you five," said Matt… the Perry one.

"Same goes for me," said Courteney. "I hope Hermione will come back now."

"So do I," said Ron then he clapped David on the back. "I sure am going to miss you, Ross."

"And I'm going to miss you, Rupert." The two hugged.

The Freds waved goodbye, "Bye, guys. We'll miss you." And they watched The Friends get on their bus to leave. They all looked sad, but when they were turing around to leave, another bus pulled up. This bus said "OPERA" on it. Ron opened his mouth in shock as Hermione stepped off the bus. "Hi, Ron, I heard you made me an eleventh season." She smiled.

Ron looked sheepishly down to the ground. "Yeah, well, everyone helped. We all just wanted to get you back."

"I love you, Ron," she said and hopped into his arms. He fell down. Because he is weak. Everyone cheered.

Annie/Note: That was fun to write. I hope you all enjoyed it. Math is stupid. Don't review… I am using reverse psychology.


	22. British Cells and British Faries

A/N: It has been a while, fellas. I have missed you all dearly. Why don't we make up for all the time we have missed lately by you all reviewing like crazay? I love you. I will buy you presents.

Disclaimer: DISCLAIM THIS! Nor do I own el Gilligan's Island.

Chapter… sumtin: The British Cell Fairy… like Disclaimer man… only not.

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale  
a tale of a boy wizard  
That started from this tropic site  
aboard this tiny fic  
The Fred was a mighty leader  
the George not as cool  
Six passengers set sail that day  
for a one-shot fic, a one-shot fic…

The FFN started getting stupid  
the ishlong fic was banned  
If not for the courage of the fearless authors  
this fic would be lost; this fic would be lost.  
The fic took ground on the shore of this uncharted revised edition  
with Fred, the George too  
the Ron, and his Wife,  
Ginny Weasley, Harry and sometimes others,  
here in Wally World.

Once upon a time there was a little boy. This little boy had a name, as most little boys do. His name was Little Harry. Little Harry got stuck in Wal-Mart with some of his little friends. Little Harry was a champion at ball bouncin', but he did not know much about them cells.

Little Harry was on the ball aisle of Wal-Mart one Thursday bouncin' his favorite red ball when a dragon came along. "Oh, noes," said Little Harry. "These dragons are so mean. I hope this one doesn't steal my ball."

"I am a dragon! I am also Lord Voldemort. In dragon form… because snakes are over rated like crazy. Hear me roar." The dragon roared. "Now, I am going to steal your ball and there is nothing you can do about it! Muw hah hah."

The Harry of littleness looked at the VoldieDragon. "That was a horrible evil laugh."

"Whatevs, little man." The VoldieDragon stole Little Harry's ball, pushed him down, and then scampered off in to the night.

"Wah, wah, wah," said Little Harry, he didn't cry, he just said those words.

Suddenly, a fairy popped out of nowhere! "Hullo, I am a British cell fairy. I am also Fred," said the British Fred cell fairy that was wearing a Home Improvement shirt.

Little Harry looked very frightened as he stared at the FredFairy. "I didn't know there was such a thing as fairies."

"Dude. You just had a dragon push you over. A dragon!" said the FredFairy.

"Oh…yeah."

"Well, anyway, you need to learn about the cell cycle."

"Ugh. Why? I hate science," complained Little Harry. "My friend Little Ron is always telling me how pointless it is. He always says it is more important to get laid than it is to get science.

"Don't you dare say that! Science is so totally amazing! It's like Scully always says 'You can't ignore the science,'" said the FredFairy. Little Harry stared at him, clearly having no idea what he was talking about.

"You don't know X-Files?" asked the FredFairy.

"Um… no," said Little Harry.

"Kids today, they sicken me. As I was saying, the cell cycle. There are three parts to the cell cycle, much like there are three parts to a pizza cut into three slices. First, there is the interphase, which is the period of time between cell divisions. Sort of like the commercials between your favorite TV shows," explained the FredFairy.

"Like the Brady Bunch!" asked Little Harry.

"Yeah, sure," said the FredFairy. "Then there is mitosis, which is where it gets a little tricky."

"Hey, that sounds like "my toe, sis," how cool!" said Little Harry.

"You are a loser with a u."

Little Harry started to cry. "I don't have a sister. VoldieDragon killed her!" he said between sobs.

"Mon, I have read the books. You ain't got a sister. Anyway, mitosis is the process where the nucleus is split into two nuclei. But there are four parts that make up mitosis; these are prophase, metaphase, anaphase, and telophase."

"Wow, that sounds like television," interrupted Little Harry.

"What is up with you saying something sounds like something else?"

Little Harry shrugged. "I am cool," he said.

"Right, keep on telling yourself that. Now, I need to explain all this cool stuff, so hold up. Prophase is when the chromosomes become visible and the centrioles separate. Hizzah, everyone loves all that jazz. Metaphase is the phase when some stuff happens. Anaphase, which yes, sounds like the name Ana, is when some other stuff happens. Then of course, there is telophase. Telophase is when even more stuff happens.

"WOW! I changed my mind! Science is so keen!"

"I know, Little Harry, it is very tight. But we have another stage in the cycle to go." Little Timmy sat back down at started eating popcorn. I'm not really sure where he got the popcorn, but that is beside the point.

"Cytokinesis is when stuff no one cares about happens. Then it all happens over again!"

"Like, double wow," said Little Harry.

"I know. Now, go defeat that VoldieDragon with your new found knowledge."

Little Harry looked at his new fairy friend. "How am I supposed to do that?" he asked.

"Just go for it, man!"

Little Harry jumped up and screamed, "I will go for it! Now, high-five!" And he and FredFairy high-fived. Little Harry ran off and found the meanie dragon sitting under a tree in the park.

"Give me back my ball!" said Little Harry.

The VoldieDragon laughed at him. "Yeah, okay Little Harry. Why don't you come and take it?"

"I don't need to. I have knowledge about the cell cycle. What now, punk?" Little Harry threw all of his knowledge of the cell cycle at the VoldieDragon. The VoldieDragon could not fight the amazing-ness of the learnins, and he shriveled up and died!

The end.

For serious.

Annie Note: Yeah. I am cool. Are you cool? Lets see if you review-ool.


	23. Ron is so tight

It was dark outside and all the rest of Wal-Mart had gone home. Everyone except for our loveable six, they were asleep on the floor. That is, everyone was asleep but Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger.

Ron opened his eyes and looked over at the girl laying a little ways to his right. "Hermione?" asked Ron.

"Yes, Ron?" she answered, opening her own eyes.

"Did you know that sometimes I lie awake at night thinking about how cool I am?" said Ron.

"Go to sleep, Ron."

"Okay."


	24. This one time on a bus and not at band

Author's Note: This one time on a bus and not at band camp…

Right now is the time that I would be responding to reviews, but I get so few reviews that I don't even see the point anymore. Everyone reviewing, I love you and I love your reviews. Everyone not reviewing, I HATE YOU! By the way, I said "I hate you" in a French accent, I sounded like Michel from Gilmore Girls. Man, he is cool. Unlike you guys, cause you guys are not cool at all.

Disclaimer: This one time on a bus and not at band camp…

Chapter 24: This one time on a bus and not at band camp…

"Utopia," said George.

"What was that, George?" asked the other twin.

"I said utopia."

"We all heard what you said, Georgie Weorgie, we were just wondering what you meant by it," said Ermione.

George looked suddenly angered. "I didn't _mean _anything by it, pansies! I was just saying a word! Gah, why do you people freak out at every little thing? I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" He stormed off and left a shocked group of wizards behind.

"What the fhell?" asked Ron.

"He's weird," said Fred.

Hermione looked up from her dress making business. "I am sure he is just jealous of Fred because he is so much cooler."

"Well, then, what a super loser," said Fred.

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"So this one time," started Harry. "I was on a bus, right?"

"Why were you on a bus, Arry?" asked Ginny.

"Well, it was a school bus," explained Harry.

Ginny looked at him. "Hokay, but why were you on the school bus? Did you ride one to school when you went to the school with the muggles?"

"No." Harry started blankly at Ginny. "Why would I have ridden a school bus to school when I could have walked or Dursley could have taken me?"

"Aight, then if you weren't going to school why were you on a school bus?"

"It was a _school _bus."

"Yes, I understand it is a school bus, I just don't understand what you were doing on it."

"It was a SCHOOL bus!" yelled Harry.

"I know that! But WHY were you on it?" asked Ginny, also yelling.

"Are you deaf? Schoooool bus! It was a school bus!" Harry yelled as he waved his arms around.

"Oh, my gah!" screamed a frustrated Ginny.

"Look!" interrupted Ron. "Will both of you please shut up? You are ruining Hermione's dress making business." Ron pointed to his lover and she nodded her head sadly. "Now, I want to here this bus story. Bus stories are always good."

"Well, I was on the bus drinking some coffee. It was good coffee and I need it to make me especially hyper. But then I started to feel sick. SICK! I hate sick! Sickness is a sign of weakness. Sick people are weak! Anyway, I threw up."

"You threw up on the bus?" asked Fred.

"Oh, yeah."

"Awesome," said a stoned Ron.

"It was pretty awesome," answered Harry.

Ron and Harry high-fived.

"Did you guys know that Zach Braff is a chicken?" asked George.

"Hey, George, when did you get back?" asked Fred.

"When did I not get back?" answered George.

"I don't know," said Fred.

"Well, maybe you should work on that," said George.

"Guys, is it just me, or does Phoebe from Friends look strangely like the Jeannie from I Dream of Jeanie?" asked Hermione, finally looking up from her dress making business.

"Yep," said Ron.

"Wanna buy a dress?" said Hermione.

"Of course," said Ron.

"Why is everyone dressing up as Captain Jack Sparrow this year?" asked Harry.

"What do you mean?" asked Ginny.

"A SCHOOL BUS!" yelled Harry.

"Idiot!" said Ginny.

"Now that I think about it," said Ron. "That is so true. I mean Chad from One Tree Hill and that dude that is dating Willow from How I Met Your Mother. It is crazy."

"That's true," said Hermione.

Harry started laughing uncontrollably. "Isn't it hysterical that Chad and that chick split up?"

Everyone laughed with him.

"That must be one awkward set," said Ron.

"It would be like if Dan Rad and Emma broke up," said Ginny.

"WE ARE NOT DATING!" yelled Dan Rad and Emma. "WE ARE JUST REALLY GOOD FRIENDS!"

"Whatevs," said all customers at Wal-Mart. All customers ever.

--------------------------------------

Annie Note: Ya know, that happened to me. Not the dress thing, the throwing up on the bus thing. In fact, I threw up on the bus today. It was hysterical.

Guys, I really need some reviews. I am becoming very sad. Do you not love me? That hurts. PLEASE LOVE ME! I NEED TO BE LOVED! Why does no one love me? Is there something wrong with me? Excuse me, I need some time to myself.


	25. Pie, crazy, and conspiracies

Author's Note: Um… I enjoy reviews. Should I continue this story? Well, it actually doesn't matter what you say to that question because I will still write the fic, but whatever. Anything you would like me to do with the story? Longer chapters? Anything? I like feedback, it is my friend.

Disclaimer: No dice. No ownage. I love Michael Ausiello, but I am not him. I do not own his line,

Chapter: Yeah, pie… and crazy… and conspiracies… and stuff.

"Some days, I enjoy the taste of pie," said Fred.

"Only on some days?" asked his Hermione.

Ron looked at Hermione. "Of course, like on Tuesdays pie is super gross."

"That is actually very true," said Mr. In-need-of-therapy, other wise know as Arry Potter.

"Shut up, Mr. In-need-of-therapy. Go see your therapist," said Ginny, she was still pissed about that school bus incident.

Mr. In-need-of-therapy started crying. "I don't have a therapist. Mine quit."

"Well, that is because you went all Spiderman complex on me at the end of the fanfic JKR calls the sixth book."

Harry's crying grew in volume.

There was a moment of silence (besides the beautiful noise of Harry's tears) as everyone stared at the green-eyed loseur.

Fred slapped Harry.

Harry screamed.

Everyone else laughed.

Harry ran away.

Man, I love it when he does that. It is so fun.

"What is your favorite type of pie, Ron?" asked Ron.

"Well, Ron, I have quite the sweet spot for blackberry," answered Ron.

"Really now? Yeah, blackberry is very tasty. Personally I love pumpkin, nothing better than a good pumpkin pie," said Ron.

"Know what else is delicious with a capital yummy?" asked Ron.

"Pecan pie?" guessed Ron.

"Yes! That was just what I was thinking of!"

Ron high-fived himself.

Everyone else blinked.

"WTF?" said Ginny.

"That better stand for what the fhell, because this is a family fic," said Fred.

"FIRED! It so is not a family fic. I would never let any member of any family read this," said Fred's twin.

"Gotta get my punk ass off the street," sung Hermione.

"Gotta get your punk face off the street!" yelled Ginny. "Oh, burn! BURN!"

Hermione pulled out a lit match and stuck it in Ginny's eye.

"Oww," said Ginny.

"Oww indeed." Hermione dropped the match.

"Matches are so cool," said Draco.

"Hey, Draco," said George. "We haven't seen you for a while."

"I know, man. Not since like chapter eleven."

"Hey, remember when you thought you were a drummer? Huh, remember?" said a very nervous slash stoned Ron.

"Yeah, I remember," said Draco.

"Yeah? That was _awesome_," said Ron.

Draco slapped Ron. "I never liked you," he said.

"Well, I double never liked you!" yelled Ron.

"That did not make any sense. You are a frickin idiot."

"You are a double frickin idiot. Like a frickin idiot plus another frickin idiot… that equals a double frickin idiot."

Draco pushed Ron down an elevator shaft.

"That was sweet," said Ginny.

"I know," said Draco.

"Remember that time that new dude from That 70s Show fell off the water tower and died?" said Fred.

"Dude, that was hysterical," said Draco.

"You are no longer allowed to say the word dude," said Hermione and pushed Draco down a different elevator shaft. "Have fun in the super crappy elevator shaft!" she yelled.

"Cool beans," said Ginny in a very peppy voice. Then she did a little cheer. She was a horrible cheerleader.

Harry ran back.

Harry slipped on a piece of ice.

Harry fell on his ass.

Everyone laughed at Harry.

Harry ran away again.

About twenty minutes went by.

Harry ran back again.

Harry did not slip on a piece of ice.

There was no laughter.

The music died.

"Guys, check this out!" said a very excited Harry.

"What, pansie?" said all the others in unison. I wonder if they practiced that. I bet so. What losers. Hokay, I admit it, I want to be friends with them. I just don't feel cool enough to write myself into the fics… and Mary Sues are the worst things ever created by man. Ever.

"Did you guys practice that?" asked Harry. Whoa, Harry and I have like the same mind.

"Whoa, the author and I have like the same mind."

Whoa the sequel, that shit was crazy.

"Author?" said Ginny. "What author?"

"Well, the writer of this story," said Harry.

The rest of the gang looked at each other, realizing that Harry might just be completely insane. Even Ron thought so, and he recently had a conversation with himself about pie.

"Harry," Hermione said slowly. "No one is writing this. This is life, not a story."

"No, this is a story."

Hermione slapped Harry.

"No! You can't slap the Truth out of me! I know the Truth! I will not let the Man stick it to me; I will stick it to the Man. I'm like frickin Fox Mulder.

Hermione slapped him again.

Annie Note: HELL YEAH! Um… tired, I am. So, my English teacher hates me because I am really informal when I write. Well, that is because I do this crap. Review? Please?

Hey, you guys know what you want to do? Read my other stories! By the way, I didn't do Nothing Gold Can stay, that was my friend Liz. I share this account with her and some others.


	26. Film it Film it

Author's Note: Well, it has been quite a while since I have updated. It's been a busy time in the life of Annie. Want to hear about it? I thought so! I have lots o' homework… and I do not want to do it. Actually, I should be doing that homework right now. Instead I am writing this. This is a better way to spend my time, no? As we speak I am about to enjoy Thanksgiving leftovers and read and watch The Office. Oh, my back hurts. This is probably because I am sitting on a very high stool and hunching over to type a story about six teenagers. Like Friends… the early years. Except not at all.

Author's Note Part Two: Um… I need some advice about this story. Some nice long reviews would indeed be helpful. Should I keep on going? Should this little tale ever end? I am actually thinking about writing a new story. Just not sure how to start it out… I'm rambling. I am the rambler. Superhero.

Chapter 24: Film time.

Disclaimer: I won a party favor. But even though I won a party favor I still own zero. Harry Potter? Nope. American Pie? Nope. Everything ever? Nope.

On occasion people get bored. Even if these people are very exciting or funny people, they can still get bored. Even if the people know all the words to American Pie or own a trampoline they can still get bored. Shocking, I know. One day Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Ron Weasley, Ginny (pronounced "Jenny" not "Ginny" with a hard G sound. Silly Americans) Weasley, Harry Potter, and Hermione Granger were sitting on the floor. They were bored. If I had been there that day I would have suggested that they go listen to a Don Mclean CD and learn all the words to American Pie or that they purchase a trampoline. Sadly, I was not there that fateful day.

"I'm bored," complained Fred Weasley. "Let's do something."

"But what?" asked his twin, George Weasley.

"Oh! Let's go buy a trampoline!" suggested Ginny Weasley. See, now she is a smart lad… girl.

Fred Weasley shook his head. "Nah, I don't wanna buy a trampoline. Plus we have no cashola." Silly Fred Weasley, they should have bought that damn trampoline.

Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Ron Weasley, Ginny (pronounced "Jenny" not "Ginny" with a hard G sound. Silly Americans) Weasley, Harry Potter, and Hermione Granger all sighed. They were still very bored.

"OH!" yelled Hermione Granger. "I've got it!" And she did indeed have it. If this was a cartoon there would be a lit light bulb above her head.

"Well, share with the circle," said Ron Weasley.

Harry Potter clapped excitedly. "I love sharing circles! They remind me of the good old days… kindergarten."

"Right-o. Anyway, my idea is that we all go to see a film!"

"Hmm," contemplated Fred Weasley. "Well, it isn't like we can leave the store, though. We are most likely going to be here forever."

"Oh, that's no problem." Hermione Granger waved her hand. "We can watch the movie right here."

"And how do we do that?" asked Ginny Weasley. Well, maybe she wasn't as smart as I was giving her credit for. Lad… girl.

"Isn't it obvious?" said Hermione Granger.

Harry Potter stroked his beard. "We use our magic?"

Hermione Granger laughed. "Oh, Jilligan. You are so silly, Harry Potter. But no, of course we will not use our magic."

"Look!" said Ron Weasley. "I am a fan!" He then proceeded to act like a fan. He was very convincing. Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Ron Weasley, Ginny (pronounced "Jenny" not "Ginny" with a hard G sound. Silly Americans) Weasley, Harry Potter, and Hermione Granger all clapped.

"Can you be a plane?" asked Harry Potter.

"But for serious…" Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Ron Weasley, Ginny (pronounced "Jenny" not "Ginny" with a hard G sound. Silly Americans) Weasley, Harry Potter, and Hermione Granger all giggled. He he, that's funny. Anyway. "Let's see a film!"

"Now, Hermione Granger, how do we see a film?" asked Harry Potter.

"It's simple… plan. We just watch it. Duh."

"Ohhhhh," said everyone but Hermione Granger. But I have to say, they so didn't know what she was talking about.

Five minutes later our favorite six people were watching a nice film. This film was called Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

"What is this movie about?" asked Ginny Weasley.

Hermione Granger shrugged. "Some wizard dude I think he gets drunk and parties or something like that."

"I'm always up for some drunken partying," said Harry Potter. Yes, I am sure he is. He must love drinking and partying. Damn child stars. I could kill him with a spoon. No kid.

About 157 minutes and twenty-two cookies later Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Ron Weasley, Ginny (pronounced "Jenny" not "Ginny" with a hard G sound. Silly Americans) Weasley, Harry Potter, and Hermione Granger all finished watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

"What the hell was that crap?" asked Harry Potter. "I mean, what are the chances of all that happening?"

Hermione Granger just shook her head. Clearly she had no words to describe that shit.

"An orphaned boy wizard? A tournament involving three wizard schools? Some bad dude getting a body? A Yule Ball? A Quidditch World Cup? That is all just crazy talk," said Ginny Weasley.

Fred Weasley nodded. "Those muggles. I just do not know what they are doing most of the time. And there was no drunken partying! I thought that was what muggles are best at! I hate Americans."

"Yum. Alcohol," said George Weasley.

Ron Weasley held up his hand.

"Go ahead, Ron Weasley," said his teacher.

"Didn't that seem familiar to you guys?"

Everyone stared at Ron.

"Are you feeling allright?" asked Hermione Granger.

"Of course, I am feeling fine. Well, now that you mention it, my tummy does hurt a little. I think I need a Mylanta shake. But that is beside the point. Guys, this is _our_ lives. Harry Potter is the Harry Potter we know."

Everyone stared at Ron. Again.

"Uh… Ron," said his younger sister. "This is not our lives. This is some fictional creation of Hollywood."

"No, no."

"Yes, yes."

"Okay, remember fourth year?" said Ron.

"No, Ron Weasley, what is this fourth year that you speak of?" said Fred Weasley and George Weasley together.

"Hah hah," Ron Weasley sarcastically said.

"We are funny, no?" laughed George Weasley.

Ron Weasley was starting to go insane; he didn't know why no one could see what he was talking about. "HARRY POTTER! You remember, don't you!" He ran over and clutched at Harry Potter's robes.

"Uh… get off, weirdo. Dude, I so do not know what the hell you're talking about…"

"Have you people noticed how there is always someone going crazy in this story? Like every chapter, bam, new mental case," said Ginny Weasley. Oh, I changed my mind again. She is a smart lad… girl.

"My back hurts," said the chiropractor.

"I hate life!" Then Ron killed himself. Oh, just kidding, folks! He's still alive.

Or is he?

------------------------------------------

Annie Note: 14. Whoa. Spooky. So, cliffie. Well, I guess it's a cliff hanger. But no, not really. The ending was just a nice little homage to X-Files recapping. Know what I looooove? Reviews, you guess. Why yes, Joe, you are correct. I love reviews. Especially real long reviews. Especially reviews that really say what you think about the fic. Detailed thoughts. That chapter was a bit longer, eh? You folk enjoy that? Aight, uploading time.


	27. RECAP yell the frat boys

**Author's Note: **CHA, BITCH. Man, two updates in that many days. Do I win a prize? So, this isn't really a new chapter but I thought it was funny. If you lot get pissed because you wanted a real update, then I advise you to reread the last chapter, because that was my real update for the month.

Ish!Chapter 27: Recap… like how Lost did. Only better. We are Wallyworld, after all. We are always cooler.

Disclaimer: Ownage? Nooooope.

Hmm… I have to say, I am a Little confused at this point in the story. I mean, I know they all went to Wal-Mart and stuff and stuff happened and they were like, "Cool! Stuff!" But who are "they"? Do we really know who "they" are? Do we really know what has happened to "they"? I don't think we do.

…I guess it should be what happened to "them", shouldn't it? Ah, well, I like "they" better.

"Before we continue," said Fred. "I think we should recap."

"Recap?" asked Ginny.

"Yeah, like how Lost does. They do like and hour over what has happened in the season. I think we should do that."

"Tell what has happened since I got into Hogwarts?" asked Harry.

Fred laughed. "Of course not, silly. You really aren't that important anyway. I say we recap everything that has happened since we entered this magic place."

George nodded. "That will be the only way to set up for the discovery of Ron. Is he dead or not? Dun, dun, dun."

"Oh, brilliant plan, blokes," said Ginny.

Everyone (but who is everyone?) agreed with Ginny. Everyone that is, except for… HERMIONE GRANGER! "Uh, bitches, I don't know about this."

"Why not, bitch?" said Ginny.

"Cause… it'd be dull, wouldn't it?"

"Uh… no," said everyone. Ever. But who all is everyone? Cue music.

"Damn music," said Fred. "Look here, you bitch of doubt. I know what is right. And we can do whatever the hell we want and it'll be funny, kay? Kay." He then did the Krum Fist.

"Once upon a time," started storyteller George. "There were six individuals. These six people were just trying to make it in the wizard world. First there was Harry Potter. You've all heard the legend, this is the man, and he was a Little whiny… but still awesome. Next was Ron Weasley, you know him as the sidekick, and that was indeed what he was. Ron could get a Little crazy… but awesome. The third member of the Dream Team is the lovely Hermione Granger. She is just as annoying in real life… but still awesome. Ginny Weasley is next, she was silent and giggling for four years then suddenly she kicked major ass. She can be a Little Ginny… but still awesome. Last but definitely not least is Fred Weasley. He leads us in times of crisis, he can be a Little ruling… but still awesome."

"George," said Harry.

"Yep?"

"Forgetting anyone, mate?"

George counted on his fingers. "Oh, right! Me!"

"Bravo," said Hermione.

"STFU," said George. "Now, as I was saying, six people. Six different lives. Six different paths. One day they all met in a magical place called Wal-Mart."

Insert ripple screen here.

"Umm, so…" said George.

"SEE!" said Hermione. "You are already getting bored of recapping this stupid tale! You put in a fucking ripple screen and this isn't even a sitcom of the 80s or 90s. That proves it!"

Fred/George gave her the pirate eye. "I saw Goody Granger with the devil!" they yelled.

"Fuck you, man," she responded.

"When they got to Wal-Mart," said Ginny, clearly ready to move on with the tale. "A Wal-Mart greeter yelled at them and Ron went to meet Ted Danson."

Everyone clapped.

Harry picked up the story next, "Then Sam Wise Gamgee showed up and a battle went _down_. Sam's ass got _kicked_."

Everyone clapped.

"Dancing!" yelled Fred. "Next there was dancing… and John Gillnitz… and bad Disney television shows."

Everyone clapped.

"The classic montage episode came next. The people in the audience rocked out to 182 of Blink as Draco became a hooker and The Six were in a cheesy music video," said George.

Everyone clapped.

Then they all looked at Hermione. It was her turn next. "Fine." She sighed. "Then Avril showed up and Ron whined about how he hated being British," she said in a monotone voice.

"For the next few explanations of the lives of a few youngins we will just yell out one word to cover an entire chapter. Your minds will explode with the aroma," said George, talking slowly and dramatically as if he was a wine label.

"Olsen! Feeny! Random! Fat! Spiderman! Drummer! Asthma! Lamp! HBP!" said Harry in quick succession.

"Thank you, Greens," said Ginny. "This brings us to the Legend of the Half Chap." Cue dramatic pause. "Maybe you remember the half chaps. Maybe you were there the first time those three fateful chapters were posted. But they will always live on, they are the Legend of the Half Chap." Cue dramatic pause. "There was the promise of life changing news, a not author's note, and salt."

"The Legend of the Half Chap promised life changing news," said Fred.

"And there was life changing news. Oh, there was life changing news!" yelled Harry. Hokay, babe, we all know there wasn't really life changing news.

"Right," said Fred. "There was "life changing" news." Fred used the air quotes. "That news told us nothing cool then Ron was Avada Kedavra-ed by a Little boy. Cause he is a deatheater. Yep, he eats the death. Oh, yeah, and that was when we were introduced to the magic of Disclaimer Man."

"I snogged him," said Ginny.

Harry shook his head. "No, you didn't."

"Yeah, I did."

"No! You didn't."

"I think I know who I've snogged!"

"Nuh uhh. I know who you've snogged," said Harry.

Ginny slapped him. "Snog that, ass!" she yelled.

"Why didn't she say arse?" asked Hermione. "She is British."

"No, she isn't," said Fred. Before Hermione could argue Fred continued with the recap, "Aladdin visited us next. Inappropriate yellings of certain inappropriate words came with him, along with Hillary Duff that said she wasn't Hillary Duff."

Hermione started singing, "ROOOON. I LOOOOOOOORVE YOU! I would buy illegal drugs for you! I would bake a sorting hat cake for you! I would drink Windex for you! I would kill a pretty ant for you! I would buy a bracelet for you! I would eat paper towels for you! I would watch Everybody Loves Raymond for you! I would inject Harry with cancer for yoooooooooooouuuuuuuuuu!"

"Yes," said Ginny. "Then Hermione sang, joined the opera, and broke Ron's heart. So the rest of decided to create an eleventh season of Friends, Accio-ed the cast, filmed that mother, and put it on DVD. Then Hermione came back."

"Yaaaaay," said all the kitties in the house.

"Then I became a fairy," said Fred. "And Harry defeated VoldieDragon."

"Ron though about how cool he was and couldn't sleep, Harry told about throwing up on a school bus, Weasleys liked pie on some days, and Harry went crazy and thought he was Fox," said George.

"Next was the chapter that could change all of our lives!" said a very dramatic Harry.

Hermione cried. "It all started on a fateful day when we got bored and couldn't buy a trampoline," said Hermione in between sniffles. "We watched this movie not about drinking and Ron thought it was our lives! Damn no alcohol! Then he killed himself."

"OR DID HE?" yelled Fred.

"Well," said Hermione. "Find out next chappie."

---------

**Annie Note: **Yummy. Reviews. They are tasty. By the way, I love you all! You all reviewed so much! Sure, mostly it was that DK person that never really said anything, but still. Heart-Reside-y-person: You are my favorite. Ever. I will indeed continue the story. Fifty chapters, at least, I'm thinking. So that is what I am shooting for. Fifty chapters. Man. Also, I would LOVE to reach 100 reviews. Please?


	28. We major in ass kicking

Author's Note: I believe this is my longest chapter yet. Yaaay. Enjoy it, all. And review, eh? By the way, sorry if there are lots of mistakes, I didn't really proofread this chapter.

where-my-heart-resides: Whoa, man. I do fear your rath! Please do not say "Um" anymore. I reviewed! Lookit! Updateage.

Jade Higurashi: AH! You rule. I didn't expect anyone to catch that Crucible reference. My englsish class also just finished reading the play. A little joke we would do is to say "I saw so-and-so with the devil" and when ever anyone would say that I would always respond by saying "fuck you, man." We all thought that would definitely assure everyone that I wasn't a witch.

Chapter 25: Drunk!Hermione, ghost!Ron, and scene!Harry. They are all so good at insulting and kicking assssss.

Disclaimer: This Harry Potter thing? Not mine.

"Well, Elvis," said Hermione. "The whole world is dying to know. Are you dead?"

"Huh?" said Ron. "I'm Ron, not Elvis."

Hermione slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand in a classic internet palmface move. "Duh. But are you dead?"

If this was a movie there would be have been a dramatic zoom-in on Ron's face. "Yes!" he screamed.

"Noooo!" screamed Ginny. "My only brother is dead!" She broke into hysterical sobs and fell to the floor. "Damn you, Wal-Mart! Damn you!"

Harry sat down to comfort her. "Gin, chill out. You have five other brothers."

"Oh, yeah," she said. "I forgot about all those other people. Ugh, why couldn't Percy have died? I fucking hate that git."

"Mmm, gin. Tasty," said Hermione.

"What?" asked George.

"I am drunk!Hermione," she explained.

"Ronnie poo is dead," said Fred. "I miss Ronnie poo."

"Don't worry," said Ronnie poo. "I'm a ghost now!"

"Yaaay," cheered all the little children.

Ghost!Ron did a jig. "Dance, dance," he said.

"Oh, silly Fall Out Boy. Misery does love you," said Harry. He was still patting a crying Ginny.

Ghost!Ron slapped Harry. "You are an idiot."

"Hey," said scene!Harry. "Just because you guys haven't gotten in touch with your emo side doesn't mean I haven't."

"You are so scene," said ghost!Ron.

It looked like a fight was about to go down. Ron's fists were ready for hitting. Harry's fists were ready for hitting. Luckily, they were interrupted by George. "Hey!" George yelled as he came running down the aisle. "Snow day!" he yelled.

"What?" said Hermione.

"We are being attacked!" yelled George as he crashed into a wall as his way of stopping.

"By what?" asked a confused Fred. Everyone was confused.

"I already said, by a snow day! We are being attacked by a snow day!" yelled George.

"Oh, no!" said Ron. "We are all going to die. Well, I mean, I'm not going to. Cause I am already dead and whatnot. But you suckers are going to die like crazy."

"Damn," said Harry. "I never thought a snow day would be the death of me. I always kind of figured Voldie would kill me. Or I would die in a freak terrorist attack at a royal wedding."

Drunk!Hermione giggled to herself. "Dynasty is such crazy shit."

"Well, what are we going to do?" questioned Ginny. "How are we going to survive this?"

George sadly shook his head. "There is no possible way to survive a snow day attack." The gang felt all of their hope seep out of them. "Wait!" Everyone felt their hope make a jump to come back to life. "There might be one way we could survive this thing," said George.

"Head and Shoulders shampoo?" guessed Ron.

"Uh, no. I'm not really sure if my idea will work," explained George. "This was something I came up with for December 22, 2012 but it could work for our current situation."

"We all get naked?" guessed Harry.

"Uh, no. First thing we have to go is eat a lot of marshmallows. That part will be easy enough; there are quite a lot of marshmallows in this here store. Next we have to go up to the snow day and yell at him."

"What do we yell, George?" asked Ginny.

"Insults," he said.

"Insults?"

"Yes, Ginny. Insults."

"Well, we rule at that," said Ron.

"Fuck yeah," said his drunk lover. Then she giggled.

"Why are you giggling?" demanded Fred. "This is a serious situation."

"Fuck yeah is just such a funny expression," explained Hermione.

The rest of the gang thought about it.

The rest of the gang giggled.

Then, for once, George took charge. "Now! Let's go eat those damn marshymallows!"

Everyone ripped open all of the bags of marshmallows and started roasting them over the magical bonfire that had magically appeared.

"Let's sing a marshmallow roasting song," suggested Ginny.

"Marsh of the mallow. They are so marshy and so mallowy. Yummy in my tummy. Always so squishy. Always so tasty. They make me think of gooooooodness," sang Harry.

"Beautiful," complicated Ginny.

Harry nodded. "I kick ass," he said then bowed.

"Man, you kick so much ass you could like major in ass kicking," said Hermione. Then she fell over and she was so drunk she fell right into the bonfire!

"Oh, noes!" said Ron. "She can't die! Well, she could. But I wouldn't like that."

"Plus she would be all burny and gross," Ginny pointed out.

"Yes! She'd be really gross to kiss," said Ron.

"So, we pull her out of the fire?" asked Fred.

Ron nodded. "That sounds good," he said.

Fred and George pulled Hermione out of the fire as Ron floated above supervising. "Just a little to the left," guided Ron.

"We aren't hanging a bloody portrait," said Fred.

"Because that would be one ugly portrait," said Ginny.

"You!" Hermione drunkenly pointed at the female Weasley. "You is a bitch!"

George clapped his hands together once, trying to get everyone's attention. "Okay, guys. I think we have eaten enough marshmallows."

"Good," said Harry. "Because I feel like I am going to barf." Good thing he felt like that. That proved how in touch with his feelings he was. Because Harry did indeed barf.

"Gross!" squealed Ginny.

"Come on, guys. Let's head out, it's insult time!" directed George.

If this was a movie there would be a long shot of Fred, George, Ginny, Ron, Harry, and Hermione walking in a line, slowly and to gooood music, getting all ready to fight off the evilness.

All around them, people were going crazy. The customers were running around screaming, clearly they did not know what to do.

"Well, hello, children," said a big booming voice.

The Six turned around. "Where did that come from?" asked Fred.

"Over there." George pointed. "It's the snow day and it is trying to eat us all."

"Well, it ain't gonna eat us. Cause I am gonna eat it!" slurred Hermione.

"We can take you," said a menacing Harry.

"Yeah, bitch," added Ginny.

"Well, then," said the snow day of evilness. "Let us duel."

"Fine, I'll start." Ron stepped forward to make the first insult. "If you were a teenage girl and you weren't bulimic, I would tell you to start throwing up right away because you are just that fat."

"Ooooh. Burn," said the rest of the team.

"That was nothing," said Snow Day. "If you were a teenage girl… no one would be able to tell the difference."

Fred stepped up next. "You are stupider than Michael Kelso and not even close to being as pretty as him."

The dueling went on for hours. No one knew when the end would come or what the eventual outcome would be, but The Six knew they had to keep fighting. Snow Day was weakening, maybe he would die soon. We can only hope.

Hermione burst into drunken tears after one of Snow Day's insults and Ginny couldn't take it anymore. "You suck!" she yelled at Snow Day. There was a moment of total silence, even the hidden customers were completely silent. Everyone's eyes were on Snow Day… and he burst into tears. "I want my mommy!" he yelled as he popped away to go visit Dr. Phil.

Wal-Mart burst into cheers. "YESS!" screamed Harry. "I love you, Gin!"

Fred and George hoisted Ginny onto their shoulders and paraded her around the store. The Wal-Mart band played and the President of the world declared December 8 Ginny Day.

-----------------------------------------------------

Annie Note: Wellls? Don't ya love me? REVIEW, BITCHES!


	29. Soup warms the soulllll

Author's Note: So, last night was my winter formal. It was much more fun than expected.

But at one point, I lost my chapstick and I was devastated! It was so sad. But then I found it on the table, and I was happy again.

where-my-heart-resides: Tada. I put in a Hobe Joe. I love That 70s Show too! But they have changed lots of stuff, the credits, Kitty's hair, et cetera. Very depressing I hate change. I also enjoy the Fall Out Boy. But I liked them before they got all big and whatnot, so now I am bitter. Yumm, sporks.

princessdza: The Queen of Randomness? That is quite a title to hold. I whole heartedly thank you.

Saniya: Well, Wal-Mart worker, I am glad you found the tale amusante.

Chapter 29: Soup warms the soul.

Disclaimer: Shit.

The six people that this fic is mainly about were boppin around one day. Hermione was researching some sort of witch-y thing. I don't know why she was doing that, it isn't like she is a witch. I guess she just wants to be Willow. I mean, who doesn't? The other five were staring at their shoes, their thoughts were as follows:

Harry: 'Duuuude. My shoes are so cool looking. They are like… tennis-y. Whoa, man! That is what the shoes should be called, tennis shoes. That's pure genius!... I want soup.'

Ginny: 'I want some friggin Scully heels. Scully has friggin Scully heels. Why the hell can't I have friggin Scully heels?… I want soup.'

Fred: 'I want to throw something. What to throw, what to throw? Ah, my shoe! Now, who to throw my shoe at? This is quite a quandary….I want soup.'

George: 'Owwie!…I want soup.'

Hermione: 'Hm. All these spells seem very complicated. They also seem very witch-y. I'm not sure why I am looking at spells. It isn't like I am a witch or anything… I want soup.'

Ron (_singing)_: The pickle and the foot, the pickle and the foot, hi ho the dairy-o, the pickle and the foot. (_Stops singing)_ Wait… that isn't how the song goes, is it?…I want soup.

"Hey, guys," said Harry, breaking the eternal silence, "Want some soup?"

Ginny nodded happily, no longer worrying about her lack of Scully heels.

Fred nodded happily, no longer worrying about his cold shoe-less foot.

George nodded happily, no longer worrying about the shoe imprint on the side of his face.

Hermione nodded happily, no longer worrying about her strange obsession with witchcraft even though she was not a witch.

Ron nodded happily, no longer worrying about correct lyrics.

They all headed off to find soup!

It was a long journey, it was a hard journey. At one point, The Six actually ran into a dead body.

"Oh, good heavens. What is this dead body doing in the middle of Wal-Mart?" wondered Hermione.

Ron shook his ghost head sadly. "I don't know, love. I just don't know."

"Holy crap!" said Ginny. "It's that bitch Bellatrix Lestrange."

"What?" said Harry, anger rising in his voice. "She killed Sirius! I must avenge my godfather's death!" He pulled out his wand and pointed it Bellatrix's body.

"Uh. Dude," said Fred. "She already dead."

"Not if I have anything to say about it!" yelled Harry as he raised his wand and began to say, "Av-"

But he was cut off by… Neville. "Oh, no you don't, Potter! I am killing this fucking bitch eater of the death thing!" Neville raised his wand and said the killing curse. "Avada Kedavra!"

And then Bellatrix was dead. "Uh, author?" said Fred. I don't know who the hell he was talking to. "She was already dead."

"You is a silly," said Hermione.

"Silly, silly, silly," mocked Ron.

"Eh. Whatevs," shrugged Fred.

"Hey," said Ginny. "Have you people ever realized how Avada Kedavra sounds sort like Abra Cadabra? Isn't that weird?"

"SOUP!" yelled Harry.

"Ah, yes, let us not forget about our mission," said the wise Fred.

They continued on, over check out counters, over CD racks, over piles and piles of clothing, until finally, they reached their destination. They reached… the soup aisle.

"Yummy, soup," said Hobo Joe.

"Why, Hobo Joe, what are you doing here?" asked Harry.

"AH!" Hobo Joe screamed. "Who the hell are you people? And why the hell do you look like those kids from those books?"

Ginny scoffed. "Well who the hell are you? And why the hell do you look like that hobo from the street corner? Bitch," she said.

-------------------------------------------------------

Annie Note: Review? Review.


	30. Everyone loves a good themed chapter

Author's Note: Well, it took me a while to get this chapter out. I was not in the writing mood. Now, you crazy kids might be thinking that I should do a Christmas themed chapter, or maybe even a New Year's Eve chapter. But you are wrong. Oh, yes, you are wrong. So, enjoy this. Review? You want to. By the way, be sure to read me Annie Note at the bottom of the page cause there be important stuff there.

where-my-heart-resides: Soup? How do you not like soup?

2 lazy 2 sign in: Now, I am not really sure if you were giving me a compliment or an insult. It wasn't good but it was funny? Ehh, at least it was funny.

rokerbaby93087: Soup is delic. And this is pretty awesome, right? Thank ya.

Disclaimer: Stuff. Ed. Dragon.

Chapter 30: Halloween theme time.

Chaos. That was all there was. Total chaos. Well, it makes sense. There is always chaos whenever anything is Halloween themed, right? Right-o.

"I love candy!" yelled Harry as he ran around like a little teeny girl. Not really. Well, he was running about. But not like a girl.

"I am a girl!" shouted Hermione. Really now?

As Harry and Hermione screamed about their private parts, some bikers drove there bikes straight through the middle of the girl's clothing section. And, man, Ginny was pissed.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" she demanded.

"Biking around," answered the biggest one. He's the leader? Sure.

Ron giggled.

Ginny turned on him. "How is that funny?"

Ron stopped giggling.

The biker leader fellow smashed a pumpkin. "I want my V8 back!" he yelled.

"What are you talking about, mate?" asked Georgie.

"First off," said the biker, "I am not your mate. I would be fucking Michael Moore's mate before I'd be yours. Second, I want my V8 back, bitch!"

"We didn't take your V8," said Hermione.

"Oh, okay. Well, now I believe," mocked the big ole' biker. "Then who was it that took my 100 vegetable juice from concentrate with added ingredients?"

Hermione shrugged. "That guy." She pointed to a little boy that was running about the store.

The biker stared at the cripple. Cause the little boy was a cripple. "Are you sure?" questioned the biker.

Hermione nodded. "Positive. Just like my results from the doctor."

"Hey, you!" The biker pointed at the little cripple.

"Yes, mean scary man?" said the cripple as he slowly walked towards Mr. Bikey.

"Why the hell did you steal my V8?"

The boy trembled. "Er, I didn't."

The big biker snorted. "Yeah, well, I don't believe you." Then he threw a large pumpkin at the boy.

The boy was killed by the pumpkin.

The police arrived.

They were like "WTF? Who killed this guy?"

The bikers were like "See ya."

Ron was like, "Uh, coppers, it was those dudes."

The police was like, "Oh, well. It doesn't matter. This little kid was poor, we don't really care about the poor."

The police left.

Ginny was pissed. Again.

"I'm pissed!" shouted Ginny.

"Never would have guessed," replied Fred.

Ginny turned on him, her eyes were totally black. "You want a piece of me, older brother?"

Fred shook his head.

"All right, then," said Ginny. "Now, I am going to… destroy the world!"

Ron raised his hand.

"Yes, Ron?"

"Uh, well, I was just wondering. Could you, maybe _not_ destroy the world?"

"But we have to get those bikers back!"

"You know," said Hermione, "you could just kill them. I mean, the rest of the world has always been pretty nice, right?"

"What about the cable people?"

Hermione looked around, confused. "Huh?"

"The damn cable people! They never frickin show up when they are supposed to!"

"But is that reason for them to die?" questioned Fred.

"HELL YES!"

Fred backed up. "Okay, then."

"Don't worry, guys. I can stop her," said Harry.

"How are you going to do that?" asked George. "She's crazy."

"Easy," replied Harry, "I've got a yellow crayon." He held up the yellow crayon to Ginny. She immediately calmed down.

"You guys want to go get some coffee?" offered Ginny.

The others shrugged. "Yeah, sure,"

Everyone walked into the sunset.

And at that same moment in Mexico, the biker was being shot. So, all's well that ends well, right?"

Annie Note: Well, Hearty-residey has kept asking me to put stuff in the story, and I have. But I got a great idea for the next chapter. You all review and tell me what you would like to see in the chapter, and BAM, I'll put it there. Like a request chapter? All right, then. So, everyone please review and give me sumtin to put in chappie numbero 31.

Oh, yes. And if anyone gets the yellow crayon thing, tell me, and I will love you forever.Really. Forever.


End file.
